With a title like that how could you not read further?!
The definition of hate: to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest.
I've hated many things in my life from time to time. Bosses, certain situations I've found myself in, the most annoying noise on the planet that a teacher used to make "sucking on her teeth," and various other things, like most people do over the course of a few decades. But I can honestly say that the only thing I really hate right now is cilantro.
Hate it. Destest it. Loathe it. Abhor it. I know that some people love its fresh, vibrant, better-than-parsley taste, but for me, I think I'd rather chew on some tin foil. I hate it so much that if I were dining with the President at the White House, and cilantro was in one of the dishes, I would spit it out (discreetly of course) and politely refrain from eating the rest of what I'm sure would be a gourmet meal prepared by an exceptional chef.
Okay, you get the picture. I am repulsed by this particular seasoning that, to me, tastes like the bottom of a garbage can. However, just because I feel such an aversion to this particular thing, you don't see me parading around downtown Boulder holding signs stating, "I hate cilantro!" Or "Cilantro is the herb of the devil!" You also don't see me holding disruptive protests outside restaurants that serve it on some of their menu items. Nor do I go around to gardens ripping up the plants or setting fire to the packets of cilantro seeds at Home Depot.
Why? Because these acts are stupid and ridiculous. If I don't like cilantro, the solution is very simple: I don't eat it.
The same goes for television shows (and books, and movies, etc.) that people have a particular aversion toward. My advice to them is just as simple: Don't watch it.
It amazes me that people take so much time to vilify and denounce things on televsion that they have a choice to not watch. Most people now have more than 500 channels to choose from - surely there's something else available that will fit their fancy.
Now, the reality is, there is indeed a lot of drek on TV these days. For the hundreds of shows broadcast every day, my family and I watch very few of them. And amazingly, no one is forcing us to watch the other ones that we have no interest in or that may upset or offend us. How grateful we are that we live in a country where the government doesn't decide what we are allowed to watch and when.
Yet people feel the need to make their opinions known (see last post) time and again, about what offends them and what should be taken off of the airwaves. Believe me, I think that about 75% of what is currently on television shouldn't be watched by anyone. But it's not my choice as to what people watch, any more than it's someone else's to tell me what to watch. People think that they are protecting the greater good by protesting shows or banning certain movies from the public. I disagree. It's just another example of how certain highly opinionated people think that they are unequivocally right, that everyone else is wrong, and that their way is the only way.
Very annoying, judgemental, and completely unnecessary.
Now it turns out, that some people are genetically predisposed to have an aversion to cilantro. There have been studies published recently explaining why some people hate it to the point of aversion. In fact, the title of one of the articles about this is titled, "Cilantro Haters - It's Not Your Fault."
However, no one is genetically predisposed to hate and be prejudiced against other people. Prejudice and judgmental attitudes are all learned behavior. No one comes out of the womb hating a particular race of people or having strong opinions against a world religion. Everything that is put into our brains comes from somewhere else, which often, unfortunately, can be detrimental to our fellow men and women.
So, cilantro? You can keep it. Your single-minded, short-sighted, overly judgmental opinions? You can keep those too.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Mother's Day
Do you know how I spent this Mother's Day? At a luxurious brunch in downtown Denver? Nope. Enjoying a delicious breakfast in bed surrounded by the Sunday paper? Uh uh. Being showered with cards and gifts and flowers and chocolates? Not exactly.
Instead I was sitting in 40-degree, slightly rainy, very windy weather at my son's baseball tournament. It was cold, uncomfortable, and rather early in the morning to boot. Everyone around me was complaining: "I'm so cold!" "I can't believe this weather!" "Do you believe this is how we have to spend Mother's Day?" etc. etc. It was, quite simply, no fun.But as I sat there listening to these moms complain, a thought came over me that instantly made me feel much warmer inside:
There's nowhere else I'd rather be.
I thought about the friends we'd had who had suffered through years of infertility treatments, who would have given anything to be sitting exactly where I was sitting right now. I thought about the parents we know with special needs children, who will never be able to play baseball, nor lead what are considered to be "normal" lives. I thought about the empty-nester who had said to me recently, "I wish I hadn't stressed so much when my kids were young. I wish I had enjoyed it more. Now they are gone and I can't get that time back." And I thought about the friends who lost their parents at early ages, who never got to experience the joy and pride of having a parent cheer for them at various events and activities.
I thought about all of this as I pulled my blanket a little tighter around me and smiled quietly to myself. Nothing like feeling grateful instead of annoyed and frustrated.
The game continued, and my son, who was pitching, had a particularly good inning. He threw many strikes, and then finished it out with double play as he caught a line drive and then threw the base runner out at first. As he turned to leave the mound, he looked up into the stands. He found me, (who was cheering wildly) and smiled the biggest, widest, happiest grin - it was so bright it lit up the field. It was a smile meant just for me. I smiled back, just as largely, and gave him a thumbs up as his team surrounded him, slapping him on the back as they ran together toward the dugout.
There's nowhere else I'd rather be.
Happy Mother's Day indeed.
Instead I was sitting in 40-degree, slightly rainy, very windy weather at my son's baseball tournament. It was cold, uncomfortable, and rather early in the morning to boot. Everyone around me was complaining: "I'm so cold!" "I can't believe this weather!" "Do you believe this is how we have to spend Mother's Day?" etc. etc. It was, quite simply, no fun.But as I sat there listening to these moms complain, a thought came over me that instantly made me feel much warmer inside:
There's nowhere else I'd rather be.
I thought about the friends we'd had who had suffered through years of infertility treatments, who would have given anything to be sitting exactly where I was sitting right now. I thought about the parents we know with special needs children, who will never be able to play baseball, nor lead what are considered to be "normal" lives. I thought about the empty-nester who had said to me recently, "I wish I hadn't stressed so much when my kids were young. I wish I had enjoyed it more. Now they are gone and I can't get that time back." And I thought about the friends who lost their parents at early ages, who never got to experience the joy and pride of having a parent cheer for them at various events and activities.
I thought about all of this as I pulled my blanket a little tighter around me and smiled quietly to myself. Nothing like feeling grateful instead of annoyed and frustrated.
The game continued, and my son, who was pitching, had a particularly good inning. He threw many strikes, and then finished it out with double play as he caught a line drive and then threw the base runner out at first. As he turned to leave the mound, he looked up into the stands. He found me, (who was cheering wildly) and smiled the biggest, widest, happiest grin - it was so bright it lit up the field. It was a smile meant just for me. I smiled back, just as largely, and gave him a thumbs up as his team surrounded him, slapping him on the back as they ran together toward the dugout.
There's nowhere else I'd rather be.
Happy Mother's Day indeed.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Dusting the Pipes Part 2
If you haven't read Part 1, please do, otherwise this might not make much sense.
So, I wanted to share my thoughts on some of the other jaw-dropping rules and conditions of the house with the cleanest pipes on the planet.
Rule about guests: Her 13-year-old daughter is not allowed to have more than one friend over at a time. Why? Because the one time she did have a few friends over, the mom went ballistic because when they left the sofa cushions were all out of place and there was some popcorn or something on the floor. She said it took her 2 1/2 hours to clean up after the 2 hour get together, so, and I quote, "Never again!" She never has grown-ups over either. Her book club understands that her house isn't in the rotation, and anyone who might possibly have pet hair on them is not allowed to sit on any furniture.
I think I'd last in this house about forty seconds.
Rule about the closets: Absolutely no one is allowed to touch anything except for her. Of course they were organized like a Hoarders show "After" reveal, and I'll be honest; I really wanted to surreptitiously reach up and knock a shoe or two out of alignment just to see what would happen. (I didn't.)
Rule about the gas fireplace: It is never to be turned on because it would only have to be cleaned later.
The list goes on and on and on. All of the stringent regulations to make sure that no possible extra cleaning would have to take place. Of course I was thinking to myself, "You're going to be cleaning compulsively anyway so what difference does it make?" but that wouldn't make any sense to her. What doesn't make sense to me is why having an immaculately pristine house is more important than sharing fun and happy times in it.
Anyway, by that time on the tour, all of that stuff wasn't really much of a surprise. However, one of the last things she said really struck me:
I had noticed that the main floor of the house, containing the living room, dining room, and kitchen, while quite tastefully decorated, was also very dark overall. I didn't mention it, but at the very end, she pointed to the heavy velvet curtains that covered the floor-to-ceiling windows that made up one wall. Proudly she said, "I've never opened those curtains." So I was like "Never?" There was no horrible view out there, it faced the side yard of the neighbor's house. "Never," she said, "And I never will." "Um...why?" I asked tentatively. She answered very matter-of-factly, "Because if I open the curtains the sun could fade the back of the couch, and if I ever want to move this couch downstairs it won't be up against a wall and people could walk around it and see the faded part."
I swear my brain stopped working for a moment. I had to take several seconds to process what she had just said. Finally I nodded my head and said something like, "Oh," and quickly got my filthy-hadn't-showered-yet-probably-pet-hair-ridden self out of there! (Whew!)
On the way home, I realized that this last rationale of hers, is the perfect example of not doing something because we are afraid of what MIGHT happen. Even if that thing is beneficial or good or joyful, we talk ourselves out of it with scenarios that haven't even happened yet; and may never happen at all. We've had our hearts broken so we don't reach out to befriend others to make sure we're not hurt again. We really want to leave unfulfilling jobs and pursue our passions in life, but we don't because we might not end up being successful, (or sucessful enough by someone else's standards). We tamp down our dreams, convincing ourselves that it's better if we don't try at all, because then nothing bad can happen and therefore we won't be disappointed. It's so much easier to stay in the dark, protecting ourselves from what might happen. What could happen. What possibly, conceivably, maybe, by some chance will happen.
Well guess what? Whether we open the curtains or not, hearts get broken sometimes. But they heal and we move on. No matter how much we try to close ourselves off from them, disappointments happen. So we pick ourselves up and try again. Dreams often don't come true. So we figure out another way or come up with a new dream.
To plan every which way for every eventuality leaves us paralyzed. We remain stuck in a mire of fear, which is oddly comforting because it feels safe. But the irony of all of this is, things rarely happen the way we plan for them anyway. Life isn't about preventing possible outcomes, it's for taking them as they come out.
Simply put, life is for the living. It's our choice to keep ourselves cowering in a cave or to throw open the curtains and let the glorious sun shine in. While it may fade a couch, it can never fade our souls.
By the way, if you're ever concerned that the sun will fade the back of the couch, just throw a blanket over it for goodness' sake! Or not care. Both end up the same anyway.
So, I wanted to share my thoughts on some of the other jaw-dropping rules and conditions of the house with the cleanest pipes on the planet.
Rule about guests: Her 13-year-old daughter is not allowed to have more than one friend over at a time. Why? Because the one time she did have a few friends over, the mom went ballistic because when they left the sofa cushions were all out of place and there was some popcorn or something on the floor. She said it took her 2 1/2 hours to clean up after the 2 hour get together, so, and I quote, "Never again!" She never has grown-ups over either. Her book club understands that her house isn't in the rotation, and anyone who might possibly have pet hair on them is not allowed to sit on any furniture.
I think I'd last in this house about forty seconds.
Rule about the closets: Absolutely no one is allowed to touch anything except for her. Of course they were organized like a Hoarders show "After" reveal, and I'll be honest; I really wanted to surreptitiously reach up and knock a shoe or two out of alignment just to see what would happen. (I didn't.)
Rule about the gas fireplace: It is never to be turned on because it would only have to be cleaned later.
The list goes on and on and on. All of the stringent regulations to make sure that no possible extra cleaning would have to take place. Of course I was thinking to myself, "You're going to be cleaning compulsively anyway so what difference does it make?" but that wouldn't make any sense to her. What doesn't make sense to me is why having an immaculately pristine house is more important than sharing fun and happy times in it.
Anyway, by that time on the tour, all of that stuff wasn't really much of a surprise. However, one of the last things she said really struck me:
I had noticed that the main floor of the house, containing the living room, dining room, and kitchen, while quite tastefully decorated, was also very dark overall. I didn't mention it, but at the very end, she pointed to the heavy velvet curtains that covered the floor-to-ceiling windows that made up one wall. Proudly she said, "I've never opened those curtains." So I was like "Never?" There was no horrible view out there, it faced the side yard of the neighbor's house. "Never," she said, "And I never will." "Um...why?" I asked tentatively. She answered very matter-of-factly, "Because if I open the curtains the sun could fade the back of the couch, and if I ever want to move this couch downstairs it won't be up against a wall and people could walk around it and see the faded part."
I swear my brain stopped working for a moment. I had to take several seconds to process what she had just said. Finally I nodded my head and said something like, "Oh," and quickly got my filthy-hadn't-showered-yet-probably-pet-hair-ridden self out of there! (Whew!)
On the way home, I realized that this last rationale of hers, is the perfect example of not doing something because we are afraid of what MIGHT happen. Even if that thing is beneficial or good or joyful, we talk ourselves out of it with scenarios that haven't even happened yet; and may never happen at all. We've had our hearts broken so we don't reach out to befriend others to make sure we're not hurt again. We really want to leave unfulfilling jobs and pursue our passions in life, but we don't because we might not end up being successful, (or sucessful enough by someone else's standards). We tamp down our dreams, convincing ourselves that it's better if we don't try at all, because then nothing bad can happen and therefore we won't be disappointed. It's so much easier to stay in the dark, protecting ourselves from what might happen. What could happen. What possibly, conceivably, maybe, by some chance will happen.
Well guess what? Whether we open the curtains or not, hearts get broken sometimes. But they heal and we move on. No matter how much we try to close ourselves off from them, disappointments happen. So we pick ourselves up and try again. Dreams often don't come true. So we figure out another way or come up with a new dream.
To plan every which way for every eventuality leaves us paralyzed. We remain stuck in a mire of fear, which is oddly comforting because it feels safe. But the irony of all of this is, things rarely happen the way we plan for them anyway. Life isn't about preventing possible outcomes, it's for taking them as they come out.
Simply put, life is for the living. It's our choice to keep ourselves cowering in a cave or to throw open the curtains and let the glorious sun shine in. While it may fade a couch, it can never fade our souls.
By the way, if you're ever concerned that the sun will fade the back of the couch, just throw a blanket over it for goodness' sake! Or not care. Both end up the same anyway.
Dusting the Pipes Part 1
I recently met a woman who dusts her pipes.
Seriously. Every two weeks she goes into her furnace room, climbs up on a ladder, and wipes down all of the heating and water pipes as well as the top of the hot water heater. She told me that she just can't stand dust.
Clearly.
Now I can honestly say that in all of my years of living it has never, ever, crossed my mind to dust my pipes. I mean, aside from the whole "life is too short to do things like that" thing, it's just not something that has ever occurred to me, even when thoroughly cleaning a house to sell it. As far as I know, it hasn't occurred to anyone else either. Until I met this woman.
Needless to say, the rest of her house was immaculate, to the point of it looking like a model home that no human beings actually occupied. She had lived there with her 13-year-old daughter for almost a year and as far as I could tell, no one had ever walked on the living room carpet. She also told me that things like shoes, glitter, spiral-bound notebooks, and food anywhere besides on a plate on the table were forbidden in her house.
Yikes.
Obviously this woman suffers from OCD, which I know is an illness that is extremely difficult to overcome. Having been divorced twice I believe she needs to feel in complete control of her life and incessantly cleaning is one way to do that. I'm not judging, nor am I condemning her. I think she needs some serious help dealing with this affliction, especially since it is makes itself present in every area of her life. More on that in Part 2.
For now, back to the pipes. So she is spending enormous amounts of time, energy, and effort to clean her pipes every two weeks. Time, energy, and effort on something that doesn't matter. At all. For any reason. So that got me thinking...even though I would never consider cleaning my pipes, what do I expend lots of time, energy, and effort on that really doesn't matter? Hmmm... How about all of the years' worth of hours I have spent worrying and fretting about the number on the scale and how it's higher than the magazine articles tell me it should be. Or the colleague I knew who spends two and a half hours in front of the mirror doing her hair and makeup just to run to the store to get some milk. Or the friend I had who was constantly redecorating her house because it was never quite right. (once she spent 3 months searching for the perfect kitchen drawer pulls, only to change them a few weeks later)
We might as well be dusting our pipes. We're spending inordinate amounts of our short time on this Earth on things that just don't matter.
So then that got me thinking, what could Ms. Pipe Cleaner be spending her time on instead of meticulously and obsessively cleaning things that don't actually need to be cleaned? Altruistic things like serving food at a soup kitchen or knitting hats for the homeless? Sure. But how about doing things that are enjoyable and pleasant and that make life worth living? Like reading a great book, or tending a garden, or going ice-skating with her daughter. Unfortunately, she can't really enjoy any of these things because she knows that the pipes are collecting more and more dust by the minute. The same way that I can't fully enjoy myself at the beach or the pool if my swimsuit is a size or two larger than I think it should be. My friend could never relax and enjoy her home because she was always focusing on the next thing that was wrong with it. We spend more time obsessed with things that don't matter than we do on experiencing all of the beautiful and wonderful things the world has to offer.
So while literally dusting the furnace room pipes seems absurd, we all have our own proverbial pipes that we polish on a daily basis. We need to realize that they don't matter, and that once and for all, we can leave them alone.
They are clean enough.
Seriously. Every two weeks she goes into her furnace room, climbs up on a ladder, and wipes down all of the heating and water pipes as well as the top of the hot water heater. She told me that she just can't stand dust.
Clearly.
Now I can honestly say that in all of my years of living it has never, ever, crossed my mind to dust my pipes. I mean, aside from the whole "life is too short to do things like that" thing, it's just not something that has ever occurred to me, even when thoroughly cleaning a house to sell it. As far as I know, it hasn't occurred to anyone else either. Until I met this woman.
Needless to say, the rest of her house was immaculate, to the point of it looking like a model home that no human beings actually occupied. She had lived there with her 13-year-old daughter for almost a year and as far as I could tell, no one had ever walked on the living room carpet. She also told me that things like shoes, glitter, spiral-bound notebooks, and food anywhere besides on a plate on the table were forbidden in her house.
Yikes.
Obviously this woman suffers from OCD, which I know is an illness that is extremely difficult to overcome. Having been divorced twice I believe she needs to feel in complete control of her life and incessantly cleaning is one way to do that. I'm not judging, nor am I condemning her. I think she needs some serious help dealing with this affliction, especially since it is makes itself present in every area of her life. More on that in Part 2.
For now, back to the pipes. So she is spending enormous amounts of time, energy, and effort to clean her pipes every two weeks. Time, energy, and effort on something that doesn't matter. At all. For any reason. So that got me thinking...even though I would never consider cleaning my pipes, what do I expend lots of time, energy, and effort on that really doesn't matter? Hmmm... How about all of the years' worth of hours I have spent worrying and fretting about the number on the scale and how it's higher than the magazine articles tell me it should be. Or the colleague I knew who spends two and a half hours in front of the mirror doing her hair and makeup just to run to the store to get some milk. Or the friend I had who was constantly redecorating her house because it was never quite right. (once she spent 3 months searching for the perfect kitchen drawer pulls, only to change them a few weeks later)
We might as well be dusting our pipes. We're spending inordinate amounts of our short time on this Earth on things that just don't matter.
So then that got me thinking, what could Ms. Pipe Cleaner be spending her time on instead of meticulously and obsessively cleaning things that don't actually need to be cleaned? Altruistic things like serving food at a soup kitchen or knitting hats for the homeless? Sure. But how about doing things that are enjoyable and pleasant and that make life worth living? Like reading a great book, or tending a garden, or going ice-skating with her daughter. Unfortunately, she can't really enjoy any of these things because she knows that the pipes are collecting more and more dust by the minute. The same way that I can't fully enjoy myself at the beach or the pool if my swimsuit is a size or two larger than I think it should be. My friend could never relax and enjoy her home because she was always focusing on the next thing that was wrong with it. We spend more time obsessed with things that don't matter than we do on experiencing all of the beautiful and wonderful things the world has to offer.
So while literally dusting the furnace room pipes seems absurd, we all have our own proverbial pipes that we polish on a daily basis. We need to realize that they don't matter, and that once and for all, we can leave them alone.
They are clean enough.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Tebow Time
Now that we live just outside of Denver, all of the hoopla surrounding Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow is front and center in our lives at the moment. We have found ourselves getting caught up in the last-minute, miraculous come-from-behind wins, and in spite of us being rabid Patriots fans, we will happily cheer for and celebrate with the Broncos when they win...as long as they aren't facing the Pats.
(As an aside, tonight is the big AFC Divisional round game Broncos vs. Pats, and so lest anyone wonder where our loyalties lie, tonight there will be no Tim, only Tom.)
But back to Tim for the moment. We have seen the strong division in opinions among the people in America with regard to him and his open display of prayer on the field. Some people love him for his overt Christian views and proclamations, some hate him for bringing his zealous religious views into football, and some even want him hurt or dead for so openly praising the god he believes in. It has been very interesting to witness this heated battle in the newspapers, on television, and all over Twitter and Facebook. But what I want to ask all of these incredibly vocal people is:
Why do you care?
Isn't your life fulfilling enough that you don't feel the need to spend your time hurling vitriol at people, making sure that your 100% correct opinion is known to everyone, and feeling that what a 24-year-old football player in Denver says in an interview is aimed specifically at you to be morally offensive?
First of all, it's a GAME people. Yes, football is extremely important to the American culture. And I realize that in today's society, successful sports players are often held up as examples of role models for young people because of their commitment, hard work, and camaraderie with their team. But we need to remember that these men and women aren't lawmakers, nor do they hold any position of power that can directly affect anyone's current way of life. They are not political dictators or government officials, or even personal advisors to any of us, so what they have to say has absolutely nothing to do with our daily lives or our collective well-being.
Secondly, it's not like someone outwardly proclaiming their religious beliefs is new to the world of sports. Does anyone remember Sammy Sosa crossing himself repeatedly every time he came up to bat? There were no public rants about how what he was doing was offensive to America's very makeup. Or how about Kurt Warner cutting interviews short to kneel down on the field with players from both teams for a post-game prayer? People just seemed to be very "live and let live" about that. And good old Sandy Koufax, who chose not to pitch in game 1 of the 1965 World Series because it was Yom Kippur. Sure, people weren't happy about it, but I doubt he received death threats.
Was the world more forgiving back then? Hard to say. What is true is that back then there were no 24-hour news networks constantly blasting the current controversies onto our many televisions in our living rooms, kitchens and bedrooms. There were no social networking sites where people could verbally vomit every thought and opinion they've ever had just to make sure their opinion was out there for any and all to see. There also seemed to be an overall respect for one another (civil rights notwithstanding unfortunately) at least in public, if not in private. But now it seems like anyone in the public eye is up for grabs, and the national pastime is to build people up only to publicly tear them down shortly afterwards. Sad, mean, bitter, but true.
So what do I think of the current Tebow controversy? As a Jew who has experienced more than her fair share of anti-semitism, and countless people telling me that I'm unworthy, subpar, and wrong for observing the faith I was raised in, I can see where people could be scared by intense convictions and vocal support of one religion over another. As someone who has had people try to convert me and convince me that hell is the only place for unenlightened, stupid, non-believing people like me, I can understand why any mention of religion in a non-religious setting could make people anxious and wary. But even though I can understand where people could be coming from in this instance, I don't agree with their intent to vehemently denounce someone who is merely stating his opinion seemingly without an ulterior motive.
In my opinion, when Tim Tebow thanks "Jesus his Lord and Savior" in an interview, it's no different from an Oscar winner saying, "I'd like to thank my parents for all of their help and support." In both cases they are thanking what they believed helped them in that situation. Wouldn't it be worse if people didn't thank anyone at all, but instead believed that all of their success came from how inherently awesome they were themselves? And above all, who cares who people thank for what? Can you imagine a CEO accepting an award and thanking both his wife and his mistress for their support? Weird and uncomfortable? Sure. Any of my business? NO!
And let's not forget, all of these sports figures that we lift up to be deities themselves, are just people who are going about living their lives day to day just like us. They raise families, they have hobbies, they take out the trash, and some of them also practice religion. Their sport is a big part of their lives, but it's not the only thing in their lives. Everything in all of our lives is intertwined, and to tell someone that they have to put one part of their life into a box and keep it separate from the other parts is ludicrous. Should a working mom forget that she has children while she's at the office? Should a doctor forget about his/her patients when they are not right in front of him/her? Should Sandy Koufax forget that it's Yom Kippur when it's also the first game of the World Series?
For me, I can watch a football game, enjoy all of the excitement, listen with half an ear to the post-game interviews, and then go on with my happy, busy, fulfilling life. It doesn't affect me one way or another because I have plenty of other things going on that require my attention that actually have an effect on my life. I don't have the time or inclination to spout on about what I think about things (except of course in this blog - the irony is not lost on me there) nor do I feel the need to convince everyone else to agree with me because I feel that I am absolutely, unequivocally, and exclusively right. We we all have our differing opinions and we all have different issues and ways of thinking that we bring to every conversation and every situation. It's the compassion toward others' thinking that promotes peace and grace in our lives, and makes the world a pleasant place to be in our short time here.
Speaking of, I have things to do, so I will wrap up by saying: Stop reading someone else's opinion - go get a life!! ;)
(As an aside, tonight is the big AFC Divisional round game Broncos vs. Pats, and so lest anyone wonder where our loyalties lie, tonight there will be no Tim, only Tom.)
But back to Tim for the moment. We have seen the strong division in opinions among the people in America with regard to him and his open display of prayer on the field. Some people love him for his overt Christian views and proclamations, some hate him for bringing his zealous religious views into football, and some even want him hurt or dead for so openly praising the god he believes in. It has been very interesting to witness this heated battle in the newspapers, on television, and all over Twitter and Facebook. But what I want to ask all of these incredibly vocal people is:
Why do you care?
Isn't your life fulfilling enough that you don't feel the need to spend your time hurling vitriol at people, making sure that your 100% correct opinion is known to everyone, and feeling that what a 24-year-old football player in Denver says in an interview is aimed specifically at you to be morally offensive?
First of all, it's a GAME people. Yes, football is extremely important to the American culture. And I realize that in today's society, successful sports players are often held up as examples of role models for young people because of their commitment, hard work, and camaraderie with their team. But we need to remember that these men and women aren't lawmakers, nor do they hold any position of power that can directly affect anyone's current way of life. They are not political dictators or government officials, or even personal advisors to any of us, so what they have to say has absolutely nothing to do with our daily lives or our collective well-being.
Secondly, it's not like someone outwardly proclaiming their religious beliefs is new to the world of sports. Does anyone remember Sammy Sosa crossing himself repeatedly every time he came up to bat? There were no public rants about how what he was doing was offensive to America's very makeup. Or how about Kurt Warner cutting interviews short to kneel down on the field with players from both teams for a post-game prayer? People just seemed to be very "live and let live" about that. And good old Sandy Koufax, who chose not to pitch in game 1 of the 1965 World Series because it was Yom Kippur. Sure, people weren't happy about it, but I doubt he received death threats.
Was the world more forgiving back then? Hard to say. What is true is that back then there were no 24-hour news networks constantly blasting the current controversies onto our many televisions in our living rooms, kitchens and bedrooms. There were no social networking sites where people could verbally vomit every thought and opinion they've ever had just to make sure their opinion was out there for any and all to see. There also seemed to be an overall respect for one another (civil rights notwithstanding unfortunately) at least in public, if not in private. But now it seems like anyone in the public eye is up for grabs, and the national pastime is to build people up only to publicly tear them down shortly afterwards. Sad, mean, bitter, but true.
So what do I think of the current Tebow controversy? As a Jew who has experienced more than her fair share of anti-semitism, and countless people telling me that I'm unworthy, subpar, and wrong for observing the faith I was raised in, I can see where people could be scared by intense convictions and vocal support of one religion over another. As someone who has had people try to convert me and convince me that hell is the only place for unenlightened, stupid, non-believing people like me, I can understand why any mention of religion in a non-religious setting could make people anxious and wary. But even though I can understand where people could be coming from in this instance, I don't agree with their intent to vehemently denounce someone who is merely stating his opinion seemingly without an ulterior motive.
In my opinion, when Tim Tebow thanks "Jesus his Lord and Savior" in an interview, it's no different from an Oscar winner saying, "I'd like to thank my parents for all of their help and support." In both cases they are thanking what they believed helped them in that situation. Wouldn't it be worse if people didn't thank anyone at all, but instead believed that all of their success came from how inherently awesome they were themselves? And above all, who cares who people thank for what? Can you imagine a CEO accepting an award and thanking both his wife and his mistress for their support? Weird and uncomfortable? Sure. Any of my business? NO!
And let's not forget, all of these sports figures that we lift up to be deities themselves, are just people who are going about living their lives day to day just like us. They raise families, they have hobbies, they take out the trash, and some of them also practice religion. Their sport is a big part of their lives, but it's not the only thing in their lives. Everything in all of our lives is intertwined, and to tell someone that they have to put one part of their life into a box and keep it separate from the other parts is ludicrous. Should a working mom forget that she has children while she's at the office? Should a doctor forget about his/her patients when they are not right in front of him/her? Should Sandy Koufax forget that it's Yom Kippur when it's also the first game of the World Series?
For me, I can watch a football game, enjoy all of the excitement, listen with half an ear to the post-game interviews, and then go on with my happy, busy, fulfilling life. It doesn't affect me one way or another because I have plenty of other things going on that require my attention that actually have an effect on my life. I don't have the time or inclination to spout on about what I think about things (except of course in this blog - the irony is not lost on me there) nor do I feel the need to convince everyone else to agree with me because I feel that I am absolutely, unequivocally, and exclusively right. We we all have our differing opinions and we all have different issues and ways of thinking that we bring to every conversation and every situation. It's the compassion toward others' thinking that promotes peace and grace in our lives, and makes the world a pleasant place to be in our short time here.
Speaking of, I have things to do, so I will wrap up by saying: Stop reading someone else's opinion - go get a life!! ;)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Let Go and Go On
Sorry that last post wasn't very uplifting. Let's try this one:
In going through quotes by Andy Rooney for the last post, I came across this gem:
When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
Wow. So true. For some people, bitterness is easier than happiness. To them, sadness and cynicism are the norm while happiness is a fleeting thing that comes and goes and can't be trusted to stick around for very long. When you're all filled up with one thing, you can't fit anything else in, even if it's better than what's already in there.
You know what odd image came into my head to illustrate this? A work refrigerator. Picture this: you come to work, you've made yourself a delicious lunch that you're looking forward to enjoying on your lunch break, you go to put it in the mini-fridge, but there's so much old, rotting, neglected food in there that you can't find a spot for your fresh, new, nutritious food. And you can't take anything out because it doesn't belong to you. You're stuck standing there, knowing what you want to do, knowing that what you want is better than what's already there, but there's nothing you can do about it.
Now look into your own heart. Is it filled with old, nasty, rotten, unhealthy things put there by someone else? If so, then like that old food, they do not belong to you. Luckily in this case, you own the fridge and you can take out or put in whatever you want. This makes you free at this very moment to clear it all out and start anew. Remove all of the old stuff that has "gone bad," give the inside a good scrubbing, and resolve to only fill yourself with clean, fresh, new attitudes and outlooks, about your life and everything that comes with it.
Easier said than done you say. Well, that's true. So try this quote on for size:
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Original author unknown, but he or she was really on to something.
Not so odd anaolgy #2 - Remember the play/movie Amadeus? The composer Salieri spends his adult life hating Mozart and being angry at God for giving Mozart the talent instead of him. When Mozart dies, Salieri finally feels vindicated, like all of his anger and resentment have finally paid off and now he is going to be the famous and revered composer he has always dreamed of being. What actually happens? Mozart's music is loved around the world for centuries and (until the play was written) very few people knew that Salieri even existed.
So what did all of his years of anger and resentment do for him? Absolutely nothing, except give him a thoroughly miserable life. His perceived betrayal and unforgiveness left him empty and broken, and in his mind, with nothing to show for it. I wonder (metaphorically) what music he could have created had he not been obsessed with darkness and malice? Could his music have been as beautiful and magical as Mozart's? No one will ever know. But what we DO know is that when you look at your life through the lens of anger and cynicism, you are unable to reach your full potential. In everything. Gorgeous paintings go unpainted, amazing sports records aren't broken, engineering theories remain undiscovered..and the world is left with far less excellence and brilliance than it could have had.
One more, I believe this is a Buddhist saying:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
So true again. It's so easy to hang on to being angry and upset with someone, and so very difficult to forgive them and move on. I'm not sure why that is, but I think it's one of the most difficult intellectual things we try to do as human beings.
So in that same vein, yet another odd analogy. Remember the bad guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark who grabs the hot medallion and has the image seared onto his palm? That's anger. It's something that you believe you deserve and so you take it. Then, when you have it, it hurts like hell and leaves a horrible, blistering scar. In the movie, the bad guy at first is okay with what happened because he thinks that his scar will lead him to the right place. As it turns out, it doesn't. It ultimately sends him digging in the wrong place.
See, it works, doesn't it? Like him, we think we deserve to be angry at someone for what they have done to us. We also think that by holding onto the anger it's the right thing to do. That person wronged us, and by remaining angry we are saying to the world, "That wasn't right! They had no right to do that to me!" Well, that may be true...but do you know where that leaves us? Living in the wrong place.
I know letting go of bitterness, resentment and anger is hard. Especially if you have been hanging on to them for dear life for a long time. But if you don't let go of them, you're only hurting yourself. Isn't that what the mean people had in mind in the first place?
Don't let them win. Let go and go on.
In going through quotes by Andy Rooney for the last post, I came across this gem:
When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
Wow. So true. For some people, bitterness is easier than happiness. To them, sadness and cynicism are the norm while happiness is a fleeting thing that comes and goes and can't be trusted to stick around for very long. When you're all filled up with one thing, you can't fit anything else in, even if it's better than what's already in there.
You know what odd image came into my head to illustrate this? A work refrigerator. Picture this: you come to work, you've made yourself a delicious lunch that you're looking forward to enjoying on your lunch break, you go to put it in the mini-fridge, but there's so much old, rotting, neglected food in there that you can't find a spot for your fresh, new, nutritious food. And you can't take anything out because it doesn't belong to you. You're stuck standing there, knowing what you want to do, knowing that what you want is better than what's already there, but there's nothing you can do about it.
Now look into your own heart. Is it filled with old, nasty, rotten, unhealthy things put there by someone else? If so, then like that old food, they do not belong to you. Luckily in this case, you own the fridge and you can take out or put in whatever you want. This makes you free at this very moment to clear it all out and start anew. Remove all of the old stuff that has "gone bad," give the inside a good scrubbing, and resolve to only fill yourself with clean, fresh, new attitudes and outlooks, about your life and everything that comes with it.
Easier said than done you say. Well, that's true. So try this quote on for size:
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Original author unknown, but he or she was really on to something.
Not so odd anaolgy #2 - Remember the play/movie Amadeus? The composer Salieri spends his adult life hating Mozart and being angry at God for giving Mozart the talent instead of him. When Mozart dies, Salieri finally feels vindicated, like all of his anger and resentment have finally paid off and now he is going to be the famous and revered composer he has always dreamed of being. What actually happens? Mozart's music is loved around the world for centuries and (until the play was written) very few people knew that Salieri even existed.
So what did all of his years of anger and resentment do for him? Absolutely nothing, except give him a thoroughly miserable life. His perceived betrayal and unforgiveness left him empty and broken, and in his mind, with nothing to show for it. I wonder (metaphorically) what music he could have created had he not been obsessed with darkness and malice? Could his music have been as beautiful and magical as Mozart's? No one will ever know. But what we DO know is that when you look at your life through the lens of anger and cynicism, you are unable to reach your full potential. In everything. Gorgeous paintings go unpainted, amazing sports records aren't broken, engineering theories remain undiscovered..and the world is left with far less excellence and brilliance than it could have had.
One more, I believe this is a Buddhist saying:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
So true again. It's so easy to hang on to being angry and upset with someone, and so very difficult to forgive them and move on. I'm not sure why that is, but I think it's one of the most difficult intellectual things we try to do as human beings.
So in that same vein, yet another odd analogy. Remember the bad guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark who grabs the hot medallion and has the image seared onto his palm? That's anger. It's something that you believe you deserve and so you take it. Then, when you have it, it hurts like hell and leaves a horrible, blistering scar. In the movie, the bad guy at first is okay with what happened because he thinks that his scar will lead him to the right place. As it turns out, it doesn't. It ultimately sends him digging in the wrong place.
See, it works, doesn't it? Like him, we think we deserve to be angry at someone for what they have done to us. We also think that by holding onto the anger it's the right thing to do. That person wronged us, and by remaining angry we are saying to the world, "That wasn't right! They had no right to do that to me!" Well, that may be true...but do you know where that leaves us? Living in the wrong place.
I know letting go of bitterness, resentment and anger is hard. Especially if you have been hanging on to them for dear life for a long time. But if you don't let go of them, you're only hurting yourself. Isn't that what the mean people had in mind in the first place?
Don't let them win. Let go and go on.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Tribute to Andy Rooney
Well, it's not really a tribute, but I did want to start this one by saying, "Have you ever noticed that...."
Have you ever noticed that it's very difficult to find people who are genuinely happy for you when something good happens? And even more difficult to find people who actually want you to succeed and be happy in the first place?
After living for more than two decades, and living for long periods of time in very different parts of the U.S., I have found that not only are most people happy when you fail, but a lot of them will deliberately put obstacles in your way to ensure that you will fail, or at least have a much harder time succeeding. These can take the form of discouraging put-down remarks, or spreading false rumors, and sabotaging work that you have put your heart and soul into. Other ways they can try to facilitate your demise is by gaining your trust and then using what you say against you, or by maliciously respresenting themselves at first as people who support you and want the best for you. We usually find out the hard way that first impressions can be deceiving.
Why does this happen? Why do people who claim to care about you want so desperately for you to fail? Or more accurately, to not be as successful as they believe they are?
I've come up with a few reasons that I've experienced in my life. One huge and obvious reason is jealousy. No matter what good things these people have in their lives, someone else always has it better. They focus on what they don't have, instead of seeing all of the miracles and blessings that are so plentiful in their own lives. When that happens, everyone around them is a threat to their happiness, and even the smallest or simplest of successes of others are met with disdain or indifference.
Another reason, of course, is their beliefs in their own shortcomings. They feel so rotten about themselves, often to their very core, and are unable to detach themselves from those feelings of inadequacy to experience anything joyful or congratulatory for or with someone else. I have seen that if someone feels that they don't measure up, then anyone who measures higher just reinforces their sense of inequality and debasement.
Two additional reasons I have personally experienced: self-centeredness and narrow vision. Some people, make that a LOT of people, are honestly incapable of focusing their full attention on anything but themselves. They perpetually live inside their own heads and are disconnected from reality most of the time. We all know many people like this. At best, all they can ever do is half-listen or half-participate in what is going on around them. They are so caught up in their own imagined drama that they are unable to deal with anything else. In some cases they may genuinely want to. But they don't know how to break the chains that enslave them to their own narcissism and delusions.
But really, no matter what the reason is, no matter what the situations were that caused these people to be like this, they ARE like this, even though we wish they weren't. Often times we resign ourselves to have to put up with these people, to the detriment of our own souls and spirits.
Unfortunately, in my life and in my travels, I have known exponentially more negative and unsupportive people than upbeat, encouraging ones. I have come across many more people who go into relationships with an agenda, which is never in the other person's favor. Quite frankly, I've known more mean people than nice ones, I've met more vindictive people than trustworthy ones, and I've known more selfish people than generous ones. In every place I've lived.
To be honest, I have spent a lot of time labeling these people as jerks, and blaming them for their inconsideration and often nasty attitudes. But do you know who I should have been blaming all this time? Myself. For allowing myself to form allegiances and friendships with these people. For not having enough inner strength and confidence to insist that I not be treated this way. For actually thinking those people were going to be there for me, help me, and celebrate my successes with me, when time and again they were incapable of doing so.
Well, all I can say is, NO. MORE. I heard someone say recently that if a person doesn't lift you up they don't belong in your life. I would add to that, if a person not only doesn't lift you up but takes pride in pushing you down, they don't belong anywhere even near your life! I would rather have very few friends, who believe in me, support me, and stay true to their word than lots of "friends" who take delight in my failures. Or who sabotage my work. Or who pull the rug of trust out from under me on a regular basis. Enough is enough.
For those of you who have already learned this lesson, I applaud you and admire you. For those of you who haven't yet, I encourage you to get on it! Life is too short to settle for anything less than you deserve, especially from people who claim to care about you. You deserve to be treated like the beautiful, special, unique, fascinating, successful miracle of life that you are, and nothing less. Absolutely nothing less.
To quote the late Andy Rooney: "I'm always on the lookout for the good in people. Often months go by." Well sir, I hope you are finding lots of good in the people around you now. Rest in peace.
Have you ever noticed that it's very difficult to find people who are genuinely happy for you when something good happens? And even more difficult to find people who actually want you to succeed and be happy in the first place?
After living for more than two decades, and living for long periods of time in very different parts of the U.S., I have found that not only are most people happy when you fail, but a lot of them will deliberately put obstacles in your way to ensure that you will fail, or at least have a much harder time succeeding. These can take the form of discouraging put-down remarks, or spreading false rumors, and sabotaging work that you have put your heart and soul into. Other ways they can try to facilitate your demise is by gaining your trust and then using what you say against you, or by maliciously respresenting themselves at first as people who support you and want the best for you. We usually find out the hard way that first impressions can be deceiving.
Why does this happen? Why do people who claim to care about you want so desperately for you to fail? Or more accurately, to not be as successful as they believe they are?
I've come up with a few reasons that I've experienced in my life. One huge and obvious reason is jealousy. No matter what good things these people have in their lives, someone else always has it better. They focus on what they don't have, instead of seeing all of the miracles and blessings that are so plentiful in their own lives. When that happens, everyone around them is a threat to their happiness, and even the smallest or simplest of successes of others are met with disdain or indifference.
Another reason, of course, is their beliefs in their own shortcomings. They feel so rotten about themselves, often to their very core, and are unable to detach themselves from those feelings of inadequacy to experience anything joyful or congratulatory for or with someone else. I have seen that if someone feels that they don't measure up, then anyone who measures higher just reinforces their sense of inequality and debasement.
Two additional reasons I have personally experienced: self-centeredness and narrow vision. Some people, make that a LOT of people, are honestly incapable of focusing their full attention on anything but themselves. They perpetually live inside their own heads and are disconnected from reality most of the time. We all know many people like this. At best, all they can ever do is half-listen or half-participate in what is going on around them. They are so caught up in their own imagined drama that they are unable to deal with anything else. In some cases they may genuinely want to. But they don't know how to break the chains that enslave them to their own narcissism and delusions.
But really, no matter what the reason is, no matter what the situations were that caused these people to be like this, they ARE like this, even though we wish they weren't. Often times we resign ourselves to have to put up with these people, to the detriment of our own souls and spirits.
Unfortunately, in my life and in my travels, I have known exponentially more negative and unsupportive people than upbeat, encouraging ones. I have come across many more people who go into relationships with an agenda, which is never in the other person's favor. Quite frankly, I've known more mean people than nice ones, I've met more vindictive people than trustworthy ones, and I've known more selfish people than generous ones. In every place I've lived.
To be honest, I have spent a lot of time labeling these people as jerks, and blaming them for their inconsideration and often nasty attitudes. But do you know who I should have been blaming all this time? Myself. For allowing myself to form allegiances and friendships with these people. For not having enough inner strength and confidence to insist that I not be treated this way. For actually thinking those people were going to be there for me, help me, and celebrate my successes with me, when time and again they were incapable of doing so.
Well, all I can say is, NO. MORE. I heard someone say recently that if a person doesn't lift you up they don't belong in your life. I would add to that, if a person not only doesn't lift you up but takes pride in pushing you down, they don't belong anywhere even near your life! I would rather have very few friends, who believe in me, support me, and stay true to their word than lots of "friends" who take delight in my failures. Or who sabotage my work. Or who pull the rug of trust out from under me on a regular basis. Enough is enough.
For those of you who have already learned this lesson, I applaud you and admire you. For those of you who haven't yet, I encourage you to get on it! Life is too short to settle for anything less than you deserve, especially from people who claim to care about you. You deserve to be treated like the beautiful, special, unique, fascinating, successful miracle of life that you are, and nothing less. Absolutely nothing less.
To quote the late Andy Rooney: "I'm always on the lookout for the good in people. Often months go by." Well sir, I hope you are finding lots of good in the people around you now. Rest in peace.
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