While I am not usually one to skip a meal (for any reason, believe me) the other day, due to unexpected circumstances and overall craziness I ended up not eating dinner. In fact, I hadn't eaten since around noon and at about 4:00 in the morning the next day my stomach woke me up with some loud grumbles. I was exhausted so I said to it, "Quiet! I'm ignoring you and going back to sleep!"
Well, my stomach had other ideas, and it decided to get louder and grumblier until after about an hour I said, "All right, FINE! I'll get something to eat!" I grouchily got up, went as quietly as I could downstairs and opened the refrigerator door, sighing loudly in my ire.
As I stood there, a person came to mind. She's a friend from long ago, whom I rarely ever see, but I suddenly remembered her recent posts about her current gratitude journal. She is striving to write down 1,000 items she's thankful for per month, which is approximately 33 per day. She regularly works with orphan children in Rwanda and has an amazing perspective on gratitude after living among these beautiful kids who not only have no living relatives, but also no things that we tend to take for granted like forks, shoes, showers, bed linens, and in some cases, uses of arms or legs.
I'm so glad that she popped into my head because as I was standing there barefoot on my kitchen floor, in front of my full refrigerator, I immediately stopped grumbling. I forgot how tired I was, I forgot about my stomach, I forgot about all of the things I had to do within the next few hours and I was instantly filled with gratitude for everything around me. I thought about those kids in Africa, I thought about the people in our own country who live in poverty, and I just started saying thank you:
Thank you that we have a refrigerator full of food for when I, or someone in my family is hungry.
Thank you that we have heat in our home on cold days, so much that I'm able to go barefoot.
Thank you that we have access to nutritious things like fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, clean water, and milk.
Thank you that we have easy access to doctors and medicines to help us heal when we're not well.
Thank you that we have an oven to cook in, utensils to eat with, chairs to sit in, clean beds to sleep in, rooms for our children, clean warm clothes to wear, cars to drive.... it went on and on and on for quite a while.
When I finished with the material things, I moved on to things like:
Thank you that we have strength to walk and live our daily lives.
Thank you that we have healthy lungs to breathe and that all of our limbs work.
Thank that we have brains and bones and organs that work normally.
Thank you that we each have our own unique talents and skills that we bring to the world.
Thank you that we are able to use those skills to help make the world a better place.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you....
By the time I finished with my thank yous I wasn't hungry anymore, I wasn't tired anymore, and I certainly wasn't grumpy anymore. Gratitude can be such a powerful thing and yet so often I, and we all, take things like our health, our food, and the things that make our lives easier and more beautiful for granted. While sometimes it's hard to imagine not having simple things like forks or towels or socks, so many people don't have them, and that's what I kept thinking about in those wee hours of the morning.
Being grateful - for anything and everything - makes us each better people, and as the saying goes, If you are happy with what you have, you'll find you have plenty to be happy about.
It's not always easy to turn your grumbles into gratitude, but I'm certainly going to try. I'll start by saying thank you to YOU, for taking your time to read this. Believe me when I say I am very grateful.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
To Lent, or Not To Lent...
Although we are not Catholic, for the past few years my family and I have been observing the ritual of Lent, giving up something for the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter.
Why on earth would we subject ourselves to this if we didn't have to, you ask? That's a good question.
We started, and have kept on doing it for several reasons. One reason is, it's a good way to practice self-denial because it has a start date and an ending date. It's a great way to jump start that diet we've been planning on or finally resolve to omit that treat that we just can't resist for a short time, and that often leads to long lasting results.
In the past years I've given up soda, sweets, soda again, and then there was that fateful year that my teenage son and I decided to give up bread, gluten, wheat, and anything leavened. This took us right into Passover, which we also observe, which nearly killed us.
(Which brings me to an important aside: I always thought that there were 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. Well, last year, when we were mourning our breadless-ness, we actually counted the days, and found that there were actually 46 days in between. That's 6 extra days we had been observing for years without even realizing it! After consulting with some Catholic friends they let us in on the loopholes that we were previously unaware of. According to them, to make it 40 days you can:
1. Skip Sundays.
2. End on Palm Sunday rather than on Easter Sunday.
3. Start a week later than Ash Wednesday and end on Easter Sunday.
4. Have 6 "cheat days" within the 46 so that you end up with 40.
These may or may not be in line with strict practicing Catholics and I'm not saying that any of these are right or wrong. I also do not know how or why the original concept of omitting foods or other things for Lent came about. I know it goes way back and most likely had a practical reason for beginning. But I digress...)
I also learned that instead of giving up something, one can choose to add something good for this collective period of time. Some people pledge to exercise every day, some vow to say something kind to at least one person a day, some use it as a way to finally start a regimen or project that they have been putting off.
Whatever a person decides to do, whether it's giving something up or adding something in, I realized that it's the intention behind it that matters. Why a person chooses to do it, and then decides to stick with it, is more important than counting up the days or making sure to take 6 days off so it's "fair."
To that, if we're doing it with the right intention, what does it matter how many days there are?
I do believe that teaching children to follow rituals without always knowing why is important to build strong habits and observances. But as we get older I think it's okay, and even beneficial, to take a look at the things we do blindly, just because we've always done them, and seek a deeper meaning from them.
While Lent was not one of the deprivation customs I observed growing up, (there were others) I have enjoyed participating in it with my family because it's another way we can support and encourage each other. Having sympathy for my son who chose to not eat the doughnuts someone brought to school. Commiserating with my daughter as we drank water with our pizza instead of soda. It helps us to bond as a family, especially as we have the discussions leading up to Lent, talking about what each of us is going to give up this year and, more importantly, WHY.
The impetus for us starting a few years ago was something that my husband had heard about called 40 Days of Faith. People who typically do not observe Lent take this holy time to omit or add things to their lives as a show of faith and to connect more spiritually with their faith, whatever it may be. It has been transformative for a lot of people, as taking that small time every day in the midst of their craziness, to connect with their spiritual side makes a big difference in their daily lives. It makes them more mindful overall, and couldn't we all use more of that these days?
When I have shared with friends our practice of observing Lent in our own way, I've been met with confusion and negative judgement. People cannot understand why we would voluntarily choose to do this, especially when we have no religious connection to it. When I've tried to explain our reasoning, they just dismiss us as being foolish or weird. Maybe next year for Lent they should give up being so judgmental, huh?
So, what am I giving up this year? Nothing food-wise. (Last year I started with an 11 day cleanse, which went right into Lent, which went right into Passover - as far as I'm concerned, that was enough for this year too!) Instead I have decided to abstain from my bad habit of throwing my clothes on the floor at the end of the day. A week and a half in and I can tell you that my closet floor has never been cleaner. They say that it takes 21 days to build a habit that sticks and since I'll have double that I'm optimistic that this will become a life-long change. What's great is, every time I hang something back up or throw it down the laundry chute I'm reminded that bad habits can change, people can make positive changes in their lives, and on a grander scale, it reminds me that I have the choice every single day to look at things from a healthy perspective.
For our Lent, we're not depriving ourselves because we're bad and deserve to be punished, we're consciously abstaining from things because that practice makes us better. For 40 days and beyond.
Why on earth would we subject ourselves to this if we didn't have to, you ask? That's a good question.
We started, and have kept on doing it for several reasons. One reason is, it's a good way to practice self-denial because it has a start date and an ending date. It's a great way to jump start that diet we've been planning on or finally resolve to omit that treat that we just can't resist for a short time, and that often leads to long lasting results.
In the past years I've given up soda, sweets, soda again, and then there was that fateful year that my teenage son and I decided to give up bread, gluten, wheat, and anything leavened. This took us right into Passover, which we also observe, which nearly killed us.
(Which brings me to an important aside: I always thought that there were 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. Well, last year, when we were mourning our breadless-ness, we actually counted the days, and found that there were actually 46 days in between. That's 6 extra days we had been observing for years without even realizing it! After consulting with some Catholic friends they let us in on the loopholes that we were previously unaware of. According to them, to make it 40 days you can:
1. Skip Sundays.
2. End on Palm Sunday rather than on Easter Sunday.
3. Start a week later than Ash Wednesday and end on Easter Sunday.
4. Have 6 "cheat days" within the 46 so that you end up with 40.
These may or may not be in line with strict practicing Catholics and I'm not saying that any of these are right or wrong. I also do not know how or why the original concept of omitting foods or other things for Lent came about. I know it goes way back and most likely had a practical reason for beginning. But I digress...)
I also learned that instead of giving up something, one can choose to add something good for this collective period of time. Some people pledge to exercise every day, some vow to say something kind to at least one person a day, some use it as a way to finally start a regimen or project that they have been putting off.
Whatever a person decides to do, whether it's giving something up or adding something in, I realized that it's the intention behind it that matters. Why a person chooses to do it, and then decides to stick with it, is more important than counting up the days or making sure to take 6 days off so it's "fair."
To that, if we're doing it with the right intention, what does it matter how many days there are?
I do believe that teaching children to follow rituals without always knowing why is important to build strong habits and observances. But as we get older I think it's okay, and even beneficial, to take a look at the things we do blindly, just because we've always done them, and seek a deeper meaning from them.
While Lent was not one of the deprivation customs I observed growing up, (there were others) I have enjoyed participating in it with my family because it's another way we can support and encourage each other. Having sympathy for my son who chose to not eat the doughnuts someone brought to school. Commiserating with my daughter as we drank water with our pizza instead of soda. It helps us to bond as a family, especially as we have the discussions leading up to Lent, talking about what each of us is going to give up this year and, more importantly, WHY.
The impetus for us starting a few years ago was something that my husband had heard about called 40 Days of Faith. People who typically do not observe Lent take this holy time to omit or add things to their lives as a show of faith and to connect more spiritually with their faith, whatever it may be. It has been transformative for a lot of people, as taking that small time every day in the midst of their craziness, to connect with their spiritual side makes a big difference in their daily lives. It makes them more mindful overall, and couldn't we all use more of that these days?
When I have shared with friends our practice of observing Lent in our own way, I've been met with confusion and negative judgement. People cannot understand why we would voluntarily choose to do this, especially when we have no religious connection to it. When I've tried to explain our reasoning, they just dismiss us as being foolish or weird. Maybe next year for Lent they should give up being so judgmental, huh?
So, what am I giving up this year? Nothing food-wise. (Last year I started with an 11 day cleanse, which went right into Lent, which went right into Passover - as far as I'm concerned, that was enough for this year too!) Instead I have decided to abstain from my bad habit of throwing my clothes on the floor at the end of the day. A week and a half in and I can tell you that my closet floor has never been cleaner. They say that it takes 21 days to build a habit that sticks and since I'll have double that I'm optimistic that this will become a life-long change. What's great is, every time I hang something back up or throw it down the laundry chute I'm reminded that bad habits can change, people can make positive changes in their lives, and on a grander scale, it reminds me that I have the choice every single day to look at things from a healthy perspective.
For our Lent, we're not depriving ourselves because we're bad and deserve to be punished, we're consciously abstaining from things because that practice makes us better. For 40 days and beyond.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Looking Back...
December 31, 2014
"Never look back unless you are planning to go that way." -Henry David Thoreau
That is a precept that I believe in strongly and try to follow the best I can. Today, however, as an old year ends, I'm taking a look back at what I learned over what was a one of my more edifying years:
1. "Joie de Vivre" - Defintion: "Exuberant enjoyment of life."
My family and I had the incredible opportunity to travel to Europe this past summer, and the highlight of the trip was spending a day with the nicest, most gracious family we have ever met. (Shout out to John Hochart and family!) As we began our evening tour of the beautiful town Nemours, we walked past a garage with the door open. Inside the garage was a large table, and around it were seated 8 or 10 people, all of whom were eating, laughing, and talking merrily. They were noisy, they were happy, and they were having a fabulous time. More than two hours later, as we came back that way, even before we got to that door, we heard snatches of song and uproarious laughter. Sure enough, as we passed by, the people were still at their table, eating, drinking, and sharing a wonderful time together. We waved at them and they waved back, and some raised their glasses and shouted something gleeful at us. We couldn't help smiling and marveling at the fact that they were still going.
While I didn't get a good look into the garage, I can tell you that there was no Martha Stewart inspired centerpiece in the middle of the table, and the dishes and glasses weren't perfectly matched sets. No one was dressed up, it wasn't a special occasion, it was simply Tuesday evening dinner. No one was on a cell phone, no one was rushing off to soccer practice, and no one seemed to be worrying about what was to come tomorrow. Everyone was just in the moment, enjoying good food and drink, and reveling in the company of one another. It almost felt miraculous, seeing the people in this 11th century town who are able to capture what is truly important, and who savor the joy that life can bring on a daily basis. Merci to John and those people in Nemours for showing us true joie de vivre, and for what was a life-changing moment for all of us.
2. "Keep people in your life that truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, inspire you, enhance you, and make you happy. If you have people who do none of the above, let them go." -Unknown
Ah yes, a lesson that I keep having to learn the hard way. This year in particular was a doozy in this category. As the new year approaches I find myself worn out from expending so much time, energy, and resources - both physical and emotional - on people who only know how to take, and take advantage. No more. I plan to look back next New Year's Eve refreshed from a year of taking care of myself first, and having used my remaining energy on those who do the above.
3. "As long as you have your health, everything else is gravy." - My Mother
This year taught me that this is incredibly, indelibly true. After 3 MRIs, 1 x-ray, 7 rounds of blood work, 4 trips to the neurologist, consults with an allergist, a nutritionist, a rheumatologist, an oncologist, a pain specialist, and a spine specialist, 2 cortisone shots, several visits to my GP, and many many trips to the pharmacist, I do not plan on taking my health for granted again. Thankfully I am fine overall, but let's just say that I am very glad and grateful to be leaving the last four months behind me.
4. "A day without laughter is a day wasted." - Charlie Chaplin
Yesterday my kids and I were stuck in an airport with a flight delay. As we are wont to do, we made the most of our time together by having fun, and at one point we were laughing and carrying on so much that the person next to us remarked, "You guys are so entertaining you should have your own TV show!" Reminded me of that time at the DMV (see previous post). Every day might not be good but there is something good to be found in every day. Laugh, laugh, laugh. Every day.
5. "No more Spanx." - Me
Quick story: One night this past year my husband and I went to a show downtown and then to dinner afterward. I was wearing a pretty dress and underneath I was wearing one of those top-to-bottom spandex numbers that I call a "sucker-inner." It was bra, underwear, and strong girdle combined. I made it through the show all right, but when we got to the restaurant I was so uncomfortable I was having trouble drawing a deep breath. I looked at the menu and I thought to myself, "How am I going to be able to eat anything, much less enjoy the rest of this evening?" I excused myself to the ladies room, which was thankfully a onesie. I peeled off my inner chain mail to my thighs, sat down, and wondered what I was going to do, since I did not have any other underwear with me. At that very moment, there was a knock at the door. Filled with panic I shouted, "Just a minute!" and made a split second decision. Off came the sucker-inner in its entirety - my skin, diaphragm, and other internal organs silently thanked me - I stuffed it into my purse and went Commando for the rest of the night. True, it was a little chilly walking to the car, but I held my head up high and was grateful for the lack of air vents on that street. Freedom from the Spanx! Forever more.
As 2014 draws to a close I am extremely grateful for the beautiful and love-filled times shared with my family, very grateful for my health, and abundantly grateful for supportive and caring friendships. In 2015 I plan to remember the lessons I learned above, and remain excited and open to what lies ahead. I wish you moments of true joie de vivre, encouraging people surrounding you, excellent health, much much laughter, and the freedom that comes with acceptance and love of the beautiful person that is YOU. There is only one you in the world and you come with all of the gifts and talents that are unique to you alone. I hope that in the coming year you use them to bless others and to help make your own dreams come true.
Remember, there is no key to happiness, the door is always open! Happy New Year!!
"Never look back unless you are planning to go that way." -Henry David Thoreau
That is a precept that I believe in strongly and try to follow the best I can. Today, however, as an old year ends, I'm taking a look back at what I learned over what was a one of my more edifying years:
1. "Joie de Vivre" - Defintion: "Exuberant enjoyment of life."
My family and I had the incredible opportunity to travel to Europe this past summer, and the highlight of the trip was spending a day with the nicest, most gracious family we have ever met. (Shout out to John Hochart and family!) As we began our evening tour of the beautiful town Nemours, we walked past a garage with the door open. Inside the garage was a large table, and around it were seated 8 or 10 people, all of whom were eating, laughing, and talking merrily. They were noisy, they were happy, and they were having a fabulous time. More than two hours later, as we came back that way, even before we got to that door, we heard snatches of song and uproarious laughter. Sure enough, as we passed by, the people were still at their table, eating, drinking, and sharing a wonderful time together. We waved at them and they waved back, and some raised their glasses and shouted something gleeful at us. We couldn't help smiling and marveling at the fact that they were still going.
While I didn't get a good look into the garage, I can tell you that there was no Martha Stewart inspired centerpiece in the middle of the table, and the dishes and glasses weren't perfectly matched sets. No one was dressed up, it wasn't a special occasion, it was simply Tuesday evening dinner. No one was on a cell phone, no one was rushing off to soccer practice, and no one seemed to be worrying about what was to come tomorrow. Everyone was just in the moment, enjoying good food and drink, and reveling in the company of one another. It almost felt miraculous, seeing the people in this 11th century town who are able to capture what is truly important, and who savor the joy that life can bring on a daily basis. Merci to John and those people in Nemours for showing us true joie de vivre, and for what was a life-changing moment for all of us.
2. "Keep people in your life that truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, inspire you, enhance you, and make you happy. If you have people who do none of the above, let them go." -Unknown
Ah yes, a lesson that I keep having to learn the hard way. This year in particular was a doozy in this category. As the new year approaches I find myself worn out from expending so much time, energy, and resources - both physical and emotional - on people who only know how to take, and take advantage. No more. I plan to look back next New Year's Eve refreshed from a year of taking care of myself first, and having used my remaining energy on those who do the above.
3. "As long as you have your health, everything else is gravy." - My Mother
This year taught me that this is incredibly, indelibly true. After 3 MRIs, 1 x-ray, 7 rounds of blood work, 4 trips to the neurologist, consults with an allergist, a nutritionist, a rheumatologist, an oncologist, a pain specialist, and a spine specialist, 2 cortisone shots, several visits to my GP, and many many trips to the pharmacist, I do not plan on taking my health for granted again. Thankfully I am fine overall, but let's just say that I am very glad and grateful to be leaving the last four months behind me.
4. "A day without laughter is a day wasted." - Charlie Chaplin
Yesterday my kids and I were stuck in an airport with a flight delay. As we are wont to do, we made the most of our time together by having fun, and at one point we were laughing and carrying on so much that the person next to us remarked, "You guys are so entertaining you should have your own TV show!" Reminded me of that time at the DMV (see previous post). Every day might not be good but there is something good to be found in every day. Laugh, laugh, laugh. Every day.
5. "No more Spanx." - Me
Quick story: One night this past year my husband and I went to a show downtown and then to dinner afterward. I was wearing a pretty dress and underneath I was wearing one of those top-to-bottom spandex numbers that I call a "sucker-inner." It was bra, underwear, and strong girdle combined. I made it through the show all right, but when we got to the restaurant I was so uncomfortable I was having trouble drawing a deep breath. I looked at the menu and I thought to myself, "How am I going to be able to eat anything, much less enjoy the rest of this evening?" I excused myself to the ladies room, which was thankfully a onesie. I peeled off my inner chain mail to my thighs, sat down, and wondered what I was going to do, since I did not have any other underwear with me. At that very moment, there was a knock at the door. Filled with panic I shouted, "Just a minute!" and made a split second decision. Off came the sucker-inner in its entirety - my skin, diaphragm, and other internal organs silently thanked me - I stuffed it into my purse and went Commando for the rest of the night. True, it was a little chilly walking to the car, but I held my head up high and was grateful for the lack of air vents on that street. Freedom from the Spanx! Forever more.
As 2014 draws to a close I am extremely grateful for the beautiful and love-filled times shared with my family, very grateful for my health, and abundantly grateful for supportive and caring friendships. In 2015 I plan to remember the lessons I learned above, and remain excited and open to what lies ahead. I wish you moments of true joie de vivre, encouraging people surrounding you, excellent health, much much laughter, and the freedom that comes with acceptance and love of the beautiful person that is YOU. There is only one you in the world and you come with all of the gifts and talents that are unique to you alone. I hope that in the coming year you use them to bless others and to help make your own dreams come true.
Remember, there is no key to happiness, the door is always open! Happy New Year!!
Friday, November 7, 2014
Lesson for the Day...
...don't give up.
Ever.
I know that sounds like something you'd read on an inspirational coffee mug, but I don't mean it in the trite or metaphorical sense. Nor do I mean it for everything that may come your way in life. (Believe me, I was wise to give up skiing after the third try.) I mean it for the things that really matter to you.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to give up on things sometimes? A diet, music lessons, a tired relationship? Sometimes it's much easier to say to yourself, "I really didn't care so much about that," or "It doesn't matter if this works out or not." But you know in your heart what matters and what doesn't, and you know that this quote from Wayne Gretzky rings unquestionably true:
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Here's what I've been learning over the past few months (and years):
If you knock on a door and no one answers, find another door.
If no one answers that door, find another one.
If you find one, it opens, and then gets slammed in your face, FIND ANOTHER ONE.
Keep knocking, keep trying, and never stop reaching out to those doors until you find the right ones, with the right support behind them. Old doors may not open again, so it's your job to hit the proverbial pavement to find new ones. New ones may open for a while, then close unexpectedly, and then it's time to revisit the old ones if necessary.
Sometimes the right door is at the top of a steep hill, covered with rocks and brambles. Find a way to get to that door.
Sometimes the right door is answered by someone who requires us to put aside our egos, swallow our prides, and look outside ourselves for something greater. Find the strength to do all of those things.
Sometimes the right door is opened in way that is completely unexpected and unfamiliar. Find the space inside to trust in the process.
Not giving up takes strength, patience, faith, and perseverance. The heartache may often outweigh the joy. We may want desperately to give up multiple times. But the reward is worth all of the knocking, slamming, frustration, and uphill climbs. The satisfaction of the accomplishment is so much more fulfilling after having gone through all of the hard work it took to get there.
There's one more thing we all need that is essential to not giving up:
Hope.
Those of us who have built stone walls around our hearts from repeated hurts and disappointments will say that the deceitful nature of hope only leads to deeper pain and despair. Well, I would challenge myself, and you, to see instead the beauty and buoyancy of hope. Feel the power and potency of potential. And with every triumph, consciously take a pebble out of those walls, to see what light might shine through from the other side.
"An optimist is someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward isn't a disaster, it's a cha-cha." ~Robert Brault
Care to cha-cha with me? The dance floor is just behind that next door...
Ever.
I know that sounds like something you'd read on an inspirational coffee mug, but I don't mean it in the trite or metaphorical sense. Nor do I mean it for everything that may come your way in life. (Believe me, I was wise to give up skiing after the third try.) I mean it for the things that really matter to you.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to give up on things sometimes? A diet, music lessons, a tired relationship? Sometimes it's much easier to say to yourself, "I really didn't care so much about that," or "It doesn't matter if this works out or not." But you know in your heart what matters and what doesn't, and you know that this quote from Wayne Gretzky rings unquestionably true:
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Here's what I've been learning over the past few months (and years):
If you knock on a door and no one answers, find another door.
If no one answers that door, find another one.
If you find one, it opens, and then gets slammed in your face, FIND ANOTHER ONE.
Keep knocking, keep trying, and never stop reaching out to those doors until you find the right ones, with the right support behind them. Old doors may not open again, so it's your job to hit the proverbial pavement to find new ones. New ones may open for a while, then close unexpectedly, and then it's time to revisit the old ones if necessary.
Sometimes the right door is at the top of a steep hill, covered with rocks and brambles. Find a way to get to that door.
Sometimes the right door is answered by someone who requires us to put aside our egos, swallow our prides, and look outside ourselves for something greater. Find the strength to do all of those things.
Sometimes the right door is opened in way that is completely unexpected and unfamiliar. Find the space inside to trust in the process.
Not giving up takes strength, patience, faith, and perseverance. The heartache may often outweigh the joy. We may want desperately to give up multiple times. But the reward is worth all of the knocking, slamming, frustration, and uphill climbs. The satisfaction of the accomplishment is so much more fulfilling after having gone through all of the hard work it took to get there.
There's one more thing we all need that is essential to not giving up:
Hope.
Those of us who have built stone walls around our hearts from repeated hurts and disappointments will say that the deceitful nature of hope only leads to deeper pain and despair. Well, I would challenge myself, and you, to see instead the beauty and buoyancy of hope. Feel the power and potency of potential. And with every triumph, consciously take a pebble out of those walls, to see what light might shine through from the other side.
"An optimist is someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward isn't a disaster, it's a cha-cha." ~Robert Brault
Care to cha-cha with me? The dance floor is just behind that next door...
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
To quote Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride...
...I hate waiting.
Don't we all? Over the past few weeks I have found myself waiting for different things. Waiting for results from some medical testing (I'm fine), waiting several days for a diagnosis on my broken computer (it's not fine), and waiting for things to fall into place with my new CD recording (still working on those logistics). Simply put, it's not easy to wait, especially for things that are important to us.
That got me thinking about how in today's world of technology induced instant gratification, we're not so good at waiting. I was telling my kids recently that I was around before voice mail, answering machines and call waiting. (I was young, but I was around.) If you called someone and they weren't home - since all we had were landlines - you had to WAIT and call them back later. If you encountered a busy signal ("A what?" they asked) you had to WAIT, remember what you wanted to tell them, and hope they were available soon.
Another example is music. I remember saving my babysitting money, WAITING until I had enough, then WAITING for a ride to Sam Goody where I had to WAIT in a line to buy the record album I was dying to have. (Not to mention having to WAIT through the songs that maybe I didn't love as much as the others as I was not an expert at handling a record needle!) Today my kids can hear a song on the radio and, if they have 99 cents available, own it instantly.
Not that I'm yearning for the past - I'm a huge fan of voice mail and iTunes. But I think that not having to wait all year to watch the Charlie Brown Christmas Special or feeling the pressure of constantly being at the beck and call of everyone on our friends list has made us all more impatient as a people. Which can become a frustrating problem when we all expect everything to happen according to our own timing.
I'm realizing though, waiting isn't always a bad thing. Anticipation itself can be very exciting and even inspiring. Have you ever found that when planning a special trip, the planning for it can be as fun as the trip itself? You can't cook a Thanksgiving turkey or make a homemade bread in five minutes - isn't it lovely to smell the aromas in the kitchen and happily anticipate getting to enjoy their deliciousness?
Not to mention, some things you simply have to wait for. If you've ever planted a garden, built a home, or had a baby you know it's impossible to see the fruits of your labor (pun intended) or to have success without waiting for lots and lots of time. These things, and so many others, require patience, which seems to be a scarce commodity these days.
So, while it may be no fun waiting for people to respond, waiting for opportunities to knock and waiting for the right doors to open, instead of focusing on the difficulty of the waiting, I'm going to call it "hopeful anticipation." I've lived long enough to know that most things do happen in their own time and sometimes having faith that things are going according to plan can be comforting during the process.
I will keep you posted, but in the meantime, to quote Vizzini from The Princess Bride..."I'm waiting!"
Don't we all? Over the past few weeks I have found myself waiting for different things. Waiting for results from some medical testing (I'm fine), waiting several days for a diagnosis on my broken computer (it's not fine), and waiting for things to fall into place with my new CD recording (still working on those logistics). Simply put, it's not easy to wait, especially for things that are important to us.
That got me thinking about how in today's world of technology induced instant gratification, we're not so good at waiting. I was telling my kids recently that I was around before voice mail, answering machines and call waiting. (I was young, but I was around.) If you called someone and they weren't home - since all we had were landlines - you had to WAIT and call them back later. If you encountered a busy signal ("A what?" they asked) you had to WAIT, remember what you wanted to tell them, and hope they were available soon.
Another example is music. I remember saving my babysitting money, WAITING until I had enough, then WAITING for a ride to Sam Goody where I had to WAIT in a line to buy the record album I was dying to have. (Not to mention having to WAIT through the songs that maybe I didn't love as much as the others as I was not an expert at handling a record needle!) Today my kids can hear a song on the radio and, if they have 99 cents available, own it instantly.
Not that I'm yearning for the past - I'm a huge fan of voice mail and iTunes. But I think that not having to wait all year to watch the Charlie Brown Christmas Special or feeling the pressure of constantly being at the beck and call of everyone on our friends list has made us all more impatient as a people. Which can become a frustrating problem when we all expect everything to happen according to our own timing.
I'm realizing though, waiting isn't always a bad thing. Anticipation itself can be very exciting and even inspiring. Have you ever found that when planning a special trip, the planning for it can be as fun as the trip itself? You can't cook a Thanksgiving turkey or make a homemade bread in five minutes - isn't it lovely to smell the aromas in the kitchen and happily anticipate getting to enjoy their deliciousness?
Not to mention, some things you simply have to wait for. If you've ever planted a garden, built a home, or had a baby you know it's impossible to see the fruits of your labor (pun intended) or to have success without waiting for lots and lots of time. These things, and so many others, require patience, which seems to be a scarce commodity these days.
So, while it may be no fun waiting for people to respond, waiting for opportunities to knock and waiting for the right doors to open, instead of focusing on the difficulty of the waiting, I'm going to call it "hopeful anticipation." I've lived long enough to know that most things do happen in their own time and sometimes having faith that things are going according to plan can be comforting during the process.
I will keep you posted, but in the meantime, to quote Vizzini from The Princess Bride..."I'm waiting!"
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Do unto others....
....as you would have them do unto you. I was raised on this adage and I believe it. My family and I try our best to always treat others as we would want to be treated. However, as I'm getting older, I would add this annotation:
Do unto YOURSELF as you would have others do unto you.
So many of us, especially those of us who are moms, spend our lives doing for others, happily and lovingly, but sometimes at the expense of our own good health and/or sanity. This point was made very clear to me yesterday.
Yesterday was not an easy day for me. No need to go into details, but suffice it to say that by 11:00 I was spent physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I felt a strong need to curl up at home and savor a few hours of quiet solitude to recharge my whole self before the responsibilities of the afternoon and evening came calling.
Someone needed me. It was not one of my kids, it was not another family member, it was not a close friend; in fact, it was someone whom I would barely categorize as an acquaintance. But she needed me.
I did not want to go. I did not want to shoulder this burden. Every bone in my body was crying out "No, don't do this! You need to take time for yourself."
But even louder than those bones was my head. Saying, "I have to. Do unto others..."
Ultimately my head won out. I gathered up what little energy I had and went to help this person. The person left my presence in much better shape than before, while I was left even more depleted of overall strength and spirit.
Did I recover? Yes of course. Did helping out this person cause me any long-lasting damage? No, of course not. But the events of yesterday taught me a valuable lesson:
Yes, we must always do our best to help one another and treat others with love and kindness.
BUT NOT ALWAYS AT THE EXPENSE OF OURSELVES.
My time is just as valuable as someone else's. My health and well-being are just as important as someone else's. I do not always have to put my needs behind everyone else's, especially when doing so could compromise my ability to do what I know I am supposed to be doing in this world. Taking care of myself is not selfish, it's necessary. Period.
Do unto others? Yes, as much as possible. Do unto myself? Absolutely. No exceptions.
Do unto YOURSELF as you would have others do unto you.
So many of us, especially those of us who are moms, spend our lives doing for others, happily and lovingly, but sometimes at the expense of our own good health and/or sanity. This point was made very clear to me yesterday.
Yesterday was not an easy day for me. No need to go into details, but suffice it to say that by 11:00 I was spent physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I felt a strong need to curl up at home and savor a few hours of quiet solitude to recharge my whole self before the responsibilities of the afternoon and evening came calling.
Someone needed me. It was not one of my kids, it was not another family member, it was not a close friend; in fact, it was someone whom I would barely categorize as an acquaintance. But she needed me.
I did not want to go. I did not want to shoulder this burden. Every bone in my body was crying out "No, don't do this! You need to take time for yourself."
But even louder than those bones was my head. Saying, "I have to. Do unto others..."
Ultimately my head won out. I gathered up what little energy I had and went to help this person. The person left my presence in much better shape than before, while I was left even more depleted of overall strength and spirit.
Did I recover? Yes of course. Did helping out this person cause me any long-lasting damage? No, of course not. But the events of yesterday taught me a valuable lesson:
Yes, we must always do our best to help one another and treat others with love and kindness.
BUT NOT ALWAYS AT THE EXPENSE OF OURSELVES.
My time is just as valuable as someone else's. My health and well-being are just as important as someone else's. I do not always have to put my needs behind everyone else's, especially when doing so could compromise my ability to do what I know I am supposed to be doing in this world. Taking care of myself is not selfish, it's necessary. Period.
Do unto others? Yes, as much as possible. Do unto myself? Absolutely. No exceptions.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
...but words can scar my soul.
And they do.
My family and will admit to occasionally indulging in a few television shows in recent years where people are judged on their artistic talent, their cooking skills, or their personal style. We enjoy these shows for the presentations and the artistry of the participants but we always skip through the "judging" parts. Why?
Because we don't need to show our kids that ripping someone's work to shreds with words is entertainment.
Because we don't want to show our kids that this is the way to treat people who have worked hard and tried their best.
Because we don't believe that harsh words of criticism are any way to encourage and inspire others.
When did Americans become so outwardly critical of one another? It's not just on TV either - I've heard working moms criticize stay-at-home moms for not working and stay-at-home moms criticize working moms for not staying at home. I've seen grown women cry because of mean things said to them at volunteer meetings. I've seen adult men be upset for weeks because of a nasty thing a boss or co-worker said to them in a public setting. Does seeing criticism so blatantly espoused by celebrities on television make it easier and more acceptable to do in our daily lives?
It's even easier to be mean to one another today through non-confrontive means such as email or texts. How many times have we heard of kids being cyber-bullied with tragic outcomes? It's disgraceful, it's disgusting, and I'm often amazed at the vitriol that people are able to spew at one another without giving it a second thought. Yes, it's the criticizer's fault, not the object of the criticism, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt sometimes.
I just want to say to everyone: Enough is enough!! We are all working hard every single day to lead fulfilling lives and have meaningful experiences. Each one of us deserves to be happy and enjoy the short time we have here on Earth by living up to our fullest potential. We don't need people cutting us down and stomping on our dreams just because they may disagree with our choices or because they don't like what we like. None of us is perfect and none of us ever will be, but we don't need other people in our lives pointing out what they think our flaws are. (Most of us do that well enough ourselves without help, thank you.)
I recently gave an interactive performance for young children and their parents. It went very well, everyone was smiling and participating the whole time, but when it was over I braced myself for the criticism. I knew it was coming because no matter how hard you work or how well you think something goes, someone always has something negative to say about it. Interestingly, the criticism never came. I received only positive feedback which made me realize 2 things:
1. Apparently it's not "always."
2. When you do something from your heart but are constantly worried about how it's going to be received, you never really put your whole heart into it. You're holding back in some way because you think that somehow that will prevent someone from being negative, or if someone does say something unkind, you can console yourself by telling yourself that you protected yourself a little bit by not giving it your all. The mean stuff can never really get all the way in since you didn't put yourself all the way out.
I'll tell you, that's a crummy way to live.
So what's the solution? That's a tough one because there are some really mean people out there and when they insult you personally it's not easy to just let those words roll off of your back, even though we know we're supposed to just blow it off and say "Oh, it's their problem."
Well, one answer would be to make sure you are never that critical person. You can't control what another person is going to say or do but you can control yourself. Make the decision to not be that jerk who cuts people off at the knees with your words, and make a commitment to be encouraging and uplifting to those around you, even when maybe you don't want to be.
Of course there are times when someone might actually need constructive criticism, which can be extremely helpful when presented in the right way. In that case I've heard that it's productive to give three examples of positive things before explaining where the person needs work. Before you speak, always put yourself in the other person's shoes and think "what would I like or not like to hear in this situation." Never say anything that you know would be hurtful, and if you inadvertently hurt someone, (it happens) own up to it immediately and apologize. It's actually very simple.
It seems odd that most people don't act this way naturally. Which makes me wonder, is it human nature to treat other people poorly? Does this all go back to survival of the fittest on an anthropological level? I don't know. But here is what I do know:
Keep the people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, inspire you, enhance you and make you happy. If there are people in your life who do none of those things, let them go. ~Author unknown
AND:
What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? ~George Eliot
Last I checked, the mortality rate for human beings was 100%. We're all in this together. How about if we treat others as we would like to be treated?
Give me sticks and stones any day. Bones heal. Souls may not.
And they do.
My family and will admit to occasionally indulging in a few television shows in recent years where people are judged on their artistic talent, their cooking skills, or their personal style. We enjoy these shows for the presentations and the artistry of the participants but we always skip through the "judging" parts. Why?
Because we don't need to show our kids that ripping someone's work to shreds with words is entertainment.
Because we don't want to show our kids that this is the way to treat people who have worked hard and tried their best.
Because we don't believe that harsh words of criticism are any way to encourage and inspire others.
When did Americans become so outwardly critical of one another? It's not just on TV either - I've heard working moms criticize stay-at-home moms for not working and stay-at-home moms criticize working moms for not staying at home. I've seen grown women cry because of mean things said to them at volunteer meetings. I've seen adult men be upset for weeks because of a nasty thing a boss or co-worker said to them in a public setting. Does seeing criticism so blatantly espoused by celebrities on television make it easier and more acceptable to do in our daily lives?
It's even easier to be mean to one another today through non-confrontive means such as email or texts. How many times have we heard of kids being cyber-bullied with tragic outcomes? It's disgraceful, it's disgusting, and I'm often amazed at the vitriol that people are able to spew at one another without giving it a second thought. Yes, it's the criticizer's fault, not the object of the criticism, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt sometimes.
I just want to say to everyone: Enough is enough!! We are all working hard every single day to lead fulfilling lives and have meaningful experiences. Each one of us deserves to be happy and enjoy the short time we have here on Earth by living up to our fullest potential. We don't need people cutting us down and stomping on our dreams just because they may disagree with our choices or because they don't like what we like. None of us is perfect and none of us ever will be, but we don't need other people in our lives pointing out what they think our flaws are. (Most of us do that well enough ourselves without help, thank you.)
I recently gave an interactive performance for young children and their parents. It went very well, everyone was smiling and participating the whole time, but when it was over I braced myself for the criticism. I knew it was coming because no matter how hard you work or how well you think something goes, someone always has something negative to say about it. Interestingly, the criticism never came. I received only positive feedback which made me realize 2 things:
1. Apparently it's not "always."
2. When you do something from your heart but are constantly worried about how it's going to be received, you never really put your whole heart into it. You're holding back in some way because you think that somehow that will prevent someone from being negative, or if someone does say something unkind, you can console yourself by telling yourself that you protected yourself a little bit by not giving it your all. The mean stuff can never really get all the way in since you didn't put yourself all the way out.
I'll tell you, that's a crummy way to live.
So what's the solution? That's a tough one because there are some really mean people out there and when they insult you personally it's not easy to just let those words roll off of your back, even though we know we're supposed to just blow it off and say "Oh, it's their problem."
Well, one answer would be to make sure you are never that critical person. You can't control what another person is going to say or do but you can control yourself. Make the decision to not be that jerk who cuts people off at the knees with your words, and make a commitment to be encouraging and uplifting to those around you, even when maybe you don't want to be.
Of course there are times when someone might actually need constructive criticism, which can be extremely helpful when presented in the right way. In that case I've heard that it's productive to give three examples of positive things before explaining where the person needs work. Before you speak, always put yourself in the other person's shoes and think "what would I like or not like to hear in this situation." Never say anything that you know would be hurtful, and if you inadvertently hurt someone, (it happens) own up to it immediately and apologize. It's actually very simple.
It seems odd that most people don't act this way naturally. Which makes me wonder, is it human nature to treat other people poorly? Does this all go back to survival of the fittest on an anthropological level? I don't know. But here is what I do know:
Keep the people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, inspire you, enhance you and make you happy. If there are people in your life who do none of those things, let them go. ~Author unknown
AND:
What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? ~George Eliot
Last I checked, the mortality rate for human beings was 100%. We're all in this together. How about if we treat others as we would like to be treated?
Give me sticks and stones any day. Bones heal. Souls may not.
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