Over the past three days I have come across three different accounts of men dying unexpectedly, leaving behind wives and young children. While I did not personally know any of these men (I sort of knew one of the wives many years ago) I was struck by how similar the stories were, especially the poignancy of the abruptness of their passings. These men all had plans - for their next vacations, for their kids' futures, even for where to meet a friend for lunch the next day. But these plans, and countless others were cut short because....because.....well, we'll never really know why, will we?
But that's not the point. The point is, we all know we're going to die. That's a fact (that I hope I'm not springing on anyone who was previously unaware of his/her own impending mortality). But we all assume that it won't happen for many many years, when we've lived at least eight or nine decades, when we've achieved all that we set out to do in our lives and we're completely fulfilled on all levels.
Except it didn't happen this way for these three men. When I stepped outside this morning to get the paper I was greeted by the most beeeeautiful blue sky I think I've ever seen. I can't even describe the color - it was like some magical periwinkle/cerulean combination (that incidentally I'd love to use to paint my bedroom). As I stood there, marveling at the sight, it occurred to me that three men: Henry, Paul, and Victor, would never get to look up at a sky again. Whether it was a clear blue one, a gray and rainy one, or a starry-filled black one, skygazing was over for them. Forever.
And that got me thinking how lucky I was to be alive. We don't often think about this as we go through our daily lives, do we? I'll admit that it's difficult sometimes to feel lucky when we feel overwhelmed with the many things we need to get done in a given day. But that's why it's so important to take the time to appreciate the fact that even on our worst day, it's still a day that we get to live, and find what enjoyment in it that we can.
Enter Jerry Seinfeld. I recently caught a segment of his on Oprah where he was talking about how his wife was trying to give up her morning coffee. He was saying (as only Jerry Seinfeld can): "She loves the coffee! She loves making the coffee, stirring the coffee, drinking the coffee! I love that SHE loves the coffee! Why give it up? We're dead in like, 20 minutes - HAVE THE COFFEE!"
That last bit really resonated with me: We're dead in like, 20 minutes. Isn't that SO true? So why do we spend so much of every day worrying about insignificant things? Why do we waste so much of our time on people and things and situations that cause us stress? Of course there are things we have to do that may not always be pleasant. But we have control over how we handle those things. And we also have control over choosing NOT to do some things that we know won't add joy to our lives.
Most of all, we can make the choice to consciously ADD joy to our lives. Erma Bombeck famously quoted that if she had her life to live over she would eat less cottage cheese and more ice cream. Life itself provides so many opportunities for laughter and color and light, but it's up to us to pay enough attention to find them. And if, for whatever reason we can't find them, then we can make them happen ourselves.
So have the coffee and enjoy it. Savor the hugs and kisses from loved ones. And from time to time, remember to look up at the sky. I can think of three men who would give anything to be able to do that even one more time.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
8/16/2010 - One Year Moving Anniversary
Today is August 16, 2010, a year to the day that we officially landed in Boulder, CO and began our new life approximately 1800 miles away from our home in Boston, MA. (for details of the trip, see previous blogs)
So, how has the year been? Well, like most years, it had its share of highlights and lowlights. Highlights first: after moving with no jobs and barely a place to live, within five months my husband found a near-dream job and we moved into a home that we all enjoy. My son was a part of a championship baseball team, had a spectacular year at school, and has a wonderful, fun, supportive group of friends,(which was one of the things we were hoping he would find when we decided to move). My daughter has gotten to continue pursuing her passion for horseback riding (many more places to ride out here), had a phenomenal year in school, and had her first, fantastic experience away from home for two weeks at overnight camp. Both kids have blossomed over the past year, and their daily joy and enthusiasm for life consistently confirms that we made the right decision to come here. Personally, I gratefully turned 40 (see previous blog post), found some very fulfilling work, and I'm making plans for some artistic projects that I hope to complete in the coming year. Keep you posted on those!
Lowlights: there were only a few, but they were doozies. In February I broke my right foot, 2 weeks before moving into our house. It was a long, five-month recovery, and I'm still not 100% healed. The silver lining was that we were blessed by many people who helped us out with driving, meals, some grocery shopping, etc., suprisingly by people whom we barely knew since we were still so new to the area. Another lowlight was that in late Spring, my daughter and I both experienced the devastation of being betrayed by people we trusted. There is nothing worse than opening up your heart to someone, only to have them stomp on it, tear it up, and toss it carelessly into oncoming traffic. We both learned a bitterly painful, but obviously necessary lesson of, when someone shows you her true colors, believe her the first time. Our hearts are healing, but honestly, I'm struggling with the temptation to wrap mine in bubble wrap and keep it locked up and protected from such hurt again. Tough place to be in - and in this case, I'm taking it a day at a time.
But even with the lowlights, overall the year has been absolutely terrific. I seem to have mastered the high-altitude cooking and baking adjustments, we've all gotten into better physical shape, and we feel like we are starting to build a real community around us. The scenery continues to inspire, the mountain climbing, canoeing, and skiing have connected us to nature and the outdoors, and as Fall approaches, the fact that we have apple trees, a peach tree, and a plum tree in our backyard fills us all with much anticipatory excitement!
Do we miss Boston? Well, we certainly miss the friends we left behind, the always incredible trips to downtown and Fenway Park, and we definitely miss the beach. But as we've noted, the mountains are a nice trade for the beach, we got to see our beloved Red Sox play the Rockies out here, and both Boulder and Denver have lots of interesting sights and sounds that we're continuing to explore. With regard to friendships, I'll let Sarah Orne Jewett take the reins on this one, when she said, "Yes'm, old friends is always best, 'less you can catch a new one that's fit to make an old one out of." We look forward to making more of those kinds of new friends - perhaps we've met some of them already.
So what has this past year taught us? If you don't like your situation, you CAN change it. You owe it to yourself and your family to make each day as happy as it can be. And whatever you do, DON'T TAKE ANY MISTREATMENT FROM ANYONE! You don't deserve it. No one does.
So, how has the year been? Well, like most years, it had its share of highlights and lowlights. Highlights first: after moving with no jobs and barely a place to live, within five months my husband found a near-dream job and we moved into a home that we all enjoy. My son was a part of a championship baseball team, had a spectacular year at school, and has a wonderful, fun, supportive group of friends,(which was one of the things we were hoping he would find when we decided to move). My daughter has gotten to continue pursuing her passion for horseback riding (many more places to ride out here), had a phenomenal year in school, and had her first, fantastic experience away from home for two weeks at overnight camp. Both kids have blossomed over the past year, and their daily joy and enthusiasm for life consistently confirms that we made the right decision to come here. Personally, I gratefully turned 40 (see previous blog post), found some very fulfilling work, and I'm making plans for some artistic projects that I hope to complete in the coming year. Keep you posted on those!
Lowlights: there were only a few, but they were doozies. In February I broke my right foot, 2 weeks before moving into our house. It was a long, five-month recovery, and I'm still not 100% healed. The silver lining was that we were blessed by many people who helped us out with driving, meals, some grocery shopping, etc., suprisingly by people whom we barely knew since we were still so new to the area. Another lowlight was that in late Spring, my daughter and I both experienced the devastation of being betrayed by people we trusted. There is nothing worse than opening up your heart to someone, only to have them stomp on it, tear it up, and toss it carelessly into oncoming traffic. We both learned a bitterly painful, but obviously necessary lesson of, when someone shows you her true colors, believe her the first time. Our hearts are healing, but honestly, I'm struggling with the temptation to wrap mine in bubble wrap and keep it locked up and protected from such hurt again. Tough place to be in - and in this case, I'm taking it a day at a time.
But even with the lowlights, overall the year has been absolutely terrific. I seem to have mastered the high-altitude cooking and baking adjustments, we've all gotten into better physical shape, and we feel like we are starting to build a real community around us. The scenery continues to inspire, the mountain climbing, canoeing, and skiing have connected us to nature and the outdoors, and as Fall approaches, the fact that we have apple trees, a peach tree, and a plum tree in our backyard fills us all with much anticipatory excitement!
Do we miss Boston? Well, we certainly miss the friends we left behind, the always incredible trips to downtown and Fenway Park, and we definitely miss the beach. But as we've noted, the mountains are a nice trade for the beach, we got to see our beloved Red Sox play the Rockies out here, and both Boulder and Denver have lots of interesting sights and sounds that we're continuing to explore. With regard to friendships, I'll let Sarah Orne Jewett take the reins on this one, when she said, "Yes'm, old friends is always best, 'less you can catch a new one that's fit to make an old one out of." We look forward to making more of those kinds of new friends - perhaps we've met some of them already.
So what has this past year taught us? If you don't like your situation, you CAN change it. You owe it to yourself and your family to make each day as happy as it can be. And whatever you do, DON'T TAKE ANY MISTREATMENT FROM ANYONE! You don't deserve it. No one does.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
On Turning 40
I'm turning 40 tomorrow. On the one hand, I guess it's a big deal. On the other, I honestly feel like it's the natural thing to happen a year after one turns 39. And I'm very grateful for it!
But it got me thinking: why do people, especially women, look at 40 as an age when now we begin to decline? In looks, in opportunities, and overall? Is it because it's a reminder of what we haven't accomplished in life thus far? Is it because American society puts so much emphasis on youth and wrinkle-free faces? In most other cultures, women gain respect as they age, they are honored for their contribution to society, and revered for their advice based on wisdom gained by years of experience. I think it's sad that in our culture, 40 has an air of "dead end" about it, instead of the springboard attitude that it could and should have.
It seems like the whole "decline after 40" stems from someone deciding long ago that at 40 a woman could no longer bear children and therefore she had no purpose. Well, not only is the first part of that untrue, the second part is even more ridiculous. How about a few iconic women who didn't come on the scene until well after 40? Julia Child didn't set foot on a cooking stage until she was 51. Betty While didn't have her big break as Sue Ann Niven on the Mary Tyler Moore show until she was 51. And Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't set pen to paper until she was 63! What do these incredible women have in common? All three were/are beloved icons who made a significant impact on the world around them. And they each made their indelible mark after age 50.
In looking at these powerhouses I wondered, would any of them have been as successful or as beloved had they done what they did at a younger age? Then I realized, it would have been impossible! They each needed the years before their successes to learn, experience, and hone their respective skills. It wasn't until they were older that they had the opportunities to pursue their passions, and the very fact that they were older gave them the freedom to go for it. Their kids were raised, they were ready to "retire," and they looked at this time in their lives as the time to jump off and do what they wanted for themselves. Look where they landed.
These women also remind me of the magnificent women who were already making a difference in the world, and tragically never made it to 40. Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana, Monica Weinstein. These three were on paths to greatness, and left behind amazing legacies. But imagine what they could have accomplished after 40 and beyond. These lives cut short before 40 remind me that every day is a gift, and that once a year those gifts come with cake!
One can look at 40 many different ways: 4 decades. 2 score. 480 months. 14,600 days. One can also look at it as a new day, beginning a new year, beginning a new decade and a new chapter. A chapter filled with more opportunities for joy, freedom, purusing passions, and making a difference.
So how do I feel about turning 40? Bring it on! And world....you'd better get ready!
But it got me thinking: why do people, especially women, look at 40 as an age when now we begin to decline? In looks, in opportunities, and overall? Is it because it's a reminder of what we haven't accomplished in life thus far? Is it because American society puts so much emphasis on youth and wrinkle-free faces? In most other cultures, women gain respect as they age, they are honored for their contribution to society, and revered for their advice based on wisdom gained by years of experience. I think it's sad that in our culture, 40 has an air of "dead end" about it, instead of the springboard attitude that it could and should have.
It seems like the whole "decline after 40" stems from someone deciding long ago that at 40 a woman could no longer bear children and therefore she had no purpose. Well, not only is the first part of that untrue, the second part is even more ridiculous. How about a few iconic women who didn't come on the scene until well after 40? Julia Child didn't set foot on a cooking stage until she was 51. Betty While didn't have her big break as Sue Ann Niven on the Mary Tyler Moore show until she was 51. And Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't set pen to paper until she was 63! What do these incredible women have in common? All three were/are beloved icons who made a significant impact on the world around them. And they each made their indelible mark after age 50.
In looking at these powerhouses I wondered, would any of them have been as successful or as beloved had they done what they did at a younger age? Then I realized, it would have been impossible! They each needed the years before their successes to learn, experience, and hone their respective skills. It wasn't until they were older that they had the opportunities to pursue their passions, and the very fact that they were older gave them the freedom to go for it. Their kids were raised, they were ready to "retire," and they looked at this time in their lives as the time to jump off and do what they wanted for themselves. Look where they landed.
These women also remind me of the magnificent women who were already making a difference in the world, and tragically never made it to 40. Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana, Monica Weinstein. These three were on paths to greatness, and left behind amazing legacies. But imagine what they could have accomplished after 40 and beyond. These lives cut short before 40 remind me that every day is a gift, and that once a year those gifts come with cake!
One can look at 40 many different ways: 4 decades. 2 score. 480 months. 14,600 days. One can also look at it as a new day, beginning a new year, beginning a new decade and a new chapter. A chapter filled with more opportunities for joy, freedom, purusing passions, and making a difference.
So how do I feel about turning 40? Bring it on! And world....you'd better get ready!
Friday, September 11, 2009
September 11, 2009
Today's blog comes courtesy of my 10 year old daughter. Her English assignment was to write "6 Rules For Life." I'm sharing what she wrote, verbatim, and it seems especially appropriate on this day, as we all remember what's really important in life.
Rules for Life
1. Don’t be afraid to live your life to what you want it to be. Follow your dreams. Be happy.
2. You only have one life. Don’t spend all of your time in front of the T.V. You’ll never get those moments back. Live life to its fullest.
3. Riding your bike makes everything bad go away if you just let go and ride. Don’t concentrate, but don’t close your eyes and kill yourself. Ride your bike.
4. Don’t be too serious in life. Crack yourself up. Watch Rifftrax with a movie sometime. Laugh.
5. When you get up on a stage, for example, you’ll want to sing loud and sing proud. Just do your best at everything you attempt. Most importantly, be yourself.
6. If you don’t get the part you want in a play, go to rehearsal anyways. If you are in an uncomfortable situation, do what you can. Make the best of what you’ve got.
I couldn't agree more.
Rules for Life
1. Don’t be afraid to live your life to what you want it to be. Follow your dreams. Be happy.
2. You only have one life. Don’t spend all of your time in front of the T.V. You’ll never get those moments back. Live life to its fullest.
3. Riding your bike makes everything bad go away if you just let go and ride. Don’t concentrate, but don’t close your eyes and kill yourself. Ride your bike.
4. Don’t be too serious in life. Crack yourself up. Watch Rifftrax with a movie sometime. Laugh.
5. When you get up on a stage, for example, you’ll want to sing loud and sing proud. Just do your best at everything you attempt. Most importantly, be yourself.
6. If you don’t get the part you want in a play, go to rehearsal anyways. If you are in an uncomfortable situation, do what you can. Make the best of what you’ve got.
I couldn't agree more.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
September 1, 2009
September 1, 2009
Happy September!! We’ve been here now for 17 days and things are going along very smoothly. Our moving truck finally arrived 6 days ago and we’re just about finished unpacking everything that we need while we’re here in this house. We’ve got about half of the garage filled with things that we’re not unpacking (mostly books and bookshelves), and today a charity is coming to pick up 23 boxes/bags of stuff that I’m not sure why I bothered moving it here in the first place! I’m finding that it’s much easier to get rid of things that we don’t want or need when we're in a new space, especially when that space is about half of the square feet from which we came.
So far we’re only missing a few things that I believe are all in one box, and we’re fairly certain that that box made it, but it's buried somewhere in the garage from when the movers were fed up after 5 hours and just started tossing boxes in willy-nilly. The only things we think we're missing are our wedding candlesticks, the French press coffeemaker, our “Boston” motif mugs, and most of my cookbooks. Thank goodness for the “What’s Cooking In Waltham” cookbook that my neighbors gave me on our final day in Massachusetts – I’ve been trying out lots of new recipes from that!
In other news, my husband got a job! Who-hooo!! And the best part is, he can commute by bike, which was one of his dreams when moving here. There's even a shower at the office so he won't have to do the old post-ride-wipe-down-with-Wash-n'-Dries in the men’s room every morning.
The kids are enjoying school and we're finding our way around little by little. Each time I've been brave and turned off the GPS I've gotten lost, but never so lost that I've had to turn it on again! And each circuitous trip shows me more of the area, so the next time I'm there I find myself saying, "I remember this!"
So, all is well, the mountains are still a never-ending majestic daily backdrop, and every day there seems to be another cool thing that happens that reinforces the fact that this move was the exact right thing at the exact right time for all of us, and I’m so grateful that we had the courage and the faith to go for it!
Deep Thought for the Day:
Today’s deep thought is about “stuff.” As I was purging the house to move I became a bit of a devotee to Peter Walsh, the guy who helps people clean out their houses and realize why they hold on to certain things, etc. I’ve read all of his books, the first being “It’s All Too Much” and I can honestly say that it changed my life in the way I look at the “stuff” that seems to accumulate over days, months, and years in the same place.
Until 6 days ago, we were living with not very much, and while it was definitely more bare bones than we would like (I was very excited to finally sleep in a real bed and the kids were overjoyed to greet their stuffed animals), we found out just how little we actually need. Is it great and fun to have lots and lots of stuff? Sometimes yes. And there are certain things (like dishes and chairs, etc.) that make life more enjoyable and convenient. But sometimes the "stuff" is just overwhelming and constantly having to straighten up and put things away can take away from something else fun or enriching that you could be doing instead. Often on Saturday mornings we would all spend time getting the house together (which was usually in quite a state after a busy week), but now instead of having to do that, we can all go on a bike ride together. Or visit the Farmer’s Market. Or whatever else we’d like to do because our “stuff” isn’t weighing us down around us.
That said, there is no way that I would ever part with certain sentimental things. But I think it’s important to strike a balance between the “thing” and the emotions attached to a “thing.” For example, in "It's All Too Much" there’s a story about a woman who inherited her grandmother’s china. She didn’t particularly like the pattern and so she never used it. The boxes took up an enormous amount of space in her attic, but she felt that she couldn’t get rid of it because it would be dishonoring her grandmother by not keeping it. Well, a few years later, she realized that she simply had to do something with it because it was taking up too much room, and she had it appraised to see if it was valuable enough to sell. Wekkm it turns out that while it was still in good condition, the set was very common and inexpensive and so not worth anything monetarily. And what the woman ultimately realized was, this china was not her grandmother, it was just some old, cheap china. She had other things to remember her grandmother by, she did not need to have these dishes impeding her life and the state of her home.
Along the same lines, I found that I used to keep things simply because someone gave them to me. And I would say to myself, “I can’t get rid of that, so-and-so gave it to me.” But now I’m realizing that while a gift from someone is a lovely and generous gesture and reminder of the person, it’s not her or him. If it’s not my taste, or it doesn’t fit, or if it doesn’t complement my current lifestyle, I’m not obligated to keep it. The loving gesture is still there, but I'm not stuck with something that I can't use or don't want.
So, with this new season beginning, and the new school year, I encourage you to take stock of your “stuff” and consider getting rid of anything that doesn’t belong with you anymore. If it’s not beautiful to you, useful to you, or helps you move forward with your life goals, you don’t need it. You simply don’t need it.
(P.S. If you ever find that you got rid of something that you end up needing down the line, there are thousands of stores that will welcome you, both live and on the Internet. There will always be “more where that came from.”)
Happy September!! We’ve been here now for 17 days and things are going along very smoothly. Our moving truck finally arrived 6 days ago and we’re just about finished unpacking everything that we need while we’re here in this house. We’ve got about half of the garage filled with things that we’re not unpacking (mostly books and bookshelves), and today a charity is coming to pick up 23 boxes/bags of stuff that I’m not sure why I bothered moving it here in the first place! I’m finding that it’s much easier to get rid of things that we don’t want or need when we're in a new space, especially when that space is about half of the square feet from which we came.
So far we’re only missing a few things that I believe are all in one box, and we’re fairly certain that that box made it, but it's buried somewhere in the garage from when the movers were fed up after 5 hours and just started tossing boxes in willy-nilly. The only things we think we're missing are our wedding candlesticks, the French press coffeemaker, our “Boston” motif mugs, and most of my cookbooks. Thank goodness for the “What’s Cooking In Waltham” cookbook that my neighbors gave me on our final day in Massachusetts – I’ve been trying out lots of new recipes from that!
In other news, my husband got a job! Who-hooo!! And the best part is, he can commute by bike, which was one of his dreams when moving here. There's even a shower at the office so he won't have to do the old post-ride-wipe-down-with-Wash-n'-Dries in the men’s room every morning.
The kids are enjoying school and we're finding our way around little by little. Each time I've been brave and turned off the GPS I've gotten lost, but never so lost that I've had to turn it on again! And each circuitous trip shows me more of the area, so the next time I'm there I find myself saying, "I remember this!"
So, all is well, the mountains are still a never-ending majestic daily backdrop, and every day there seems to be another cool thing that happens that reinforces the fact that this move was the exact right thing at the exact right time for all of us, and I’m so grateful that we had the courage and the faith to go for it!
Deep Thought for the Day:
Today’s deep thought is about “stuff.” As I was purging the house to move I became a bit of a devotee to Peter Walsh, the guy who helps people clean out their houses and realize why they hold on to certain things, etc. I’ve read all of his books, the first being “It’s All Too Much” and I can honestly say that it changed my life in the way I look at the “stuff” that seems to accumulate over days, months, and years in the same place.
Until 6 days ago, we were living with not very much, and while it was definitely more bare bones than we would like (I was very excited to finally sleep in a real bed and the kids were overjoyed to greet their stuffed animals), we found out just how little we actually need. Is it great and fun to have lots and lots of stuff? Sometimes yes. And there are certain things (like dishes and chairs, etc.) that make life more enjoyable and convenient. But sometimes the "stuff" is just overwhelming and constantly having to straighten up and put things away can take away from something else fun or enriching that you could be doing instead. Often on Saturday mornings we would all spend time getting the house together (which was usually in quite a state after a busy week), but now instead of having to do that, we can all go on a bike ride together. Or visit the Farmer’s Market. Or whatever else we’d like to do because our “stuff” isn’t weighing us down around us.
That said, there is no way that I would ever part with certain sentimental things. But I think it’s important to strike a balance between the “thing” and the emotions attached to a “thing.” For example, in "It's All Too Much" there’s a story about a woman who inherited her grandmother’s china. She didn’t particularly like the pattern and so she never used it. The boxes took up an enormous amount of space in her attic, but she felt that she couldn’t get rid of it because it would be dishonoring her grandmother by not keeping it. Well, a few years later, she realized that she simply had to do something with it because it was taking up too much room, and she had it appraised to see if it was valuable enough to sell. Wekkm it turns out that while it was still in good condition, the set was very common and inexpensive and so not worth anything monetarily. And what the woman ultimately realized was, this china was not her grandmother, it was just some old, cheap china. She had other things to remember her grandmother by, she did not need to have these dishes impeding her life and the state of her home.
Along the same lines, I found that I used to keep things simply because someone gave them to me. And I would say to myself, “I can’t get rid of that, so-and-so gave it to me.” But now I’m realizing that while a gift from someone is a lovely and generous gesture and reminder of the person, it’s not her or him. If it’s not my taste, or it doesn’t fit, or if it doesn’t complement my current lifestyle, I’m not obligated to keep it. The loving gesture is still there, but I'm not stuck with something that I can't use or don't want.
So, with this new season beginning, and the new school year, I encourage you to take stock of your “stuff” and consider getting rid of anything that doesn’t belong with you anymore. If it’s not beautiful to you, useful to you, or helps you move forward with your life goals, you don’t need it. You simply don’t need it.
(P.S. If you ever find that you got rid of something that you end up needing down the line, there are thousands of stores that will welcome you, both live and on the Internet. There will always be “more where that came from.”)
Monday, August 24, 2009
August 24, 2009
August 24, 2009
I’ve gathered my thoughts and I do have a philosophy to share, but first, a follow-up about the peach festival.
It turns out that every orchard ran out of peaches. Why? Well, we learned that there were over 20,000 attendees (more than triple the amount of the usual crowd), and due to the more-rainy-than-normal Spring, the overall peach crop was severely damaged. In fact, we found out that the orchard from which we bought our “seconds” – which are fantastic by the way – only harvested 15% of their usual crop. Yikes. We also learned that while the heavy rain causes the trees to blossom later in the season, the fruit is less plentiful but each peach is considerably larger. The tree uses all of the nutrients that it has stored up for a normal crop and sends it to the fewer peaches that are there.
Interesting, no? I’m sure this is more than you ever thought you’d know about peach farming (orcharding?).
Anyway, moving on to my Deep Thought for the Day, one day later:
Today’s topic is: The tyranny of the “shoulds.” I was thinking about how many times during the day we say to ourselves, "I should". It seems like when we say “I should,” it implies that what we’re already doing isn’t good enough or worthy enough. People say, I should lose weight, or I should be more organized, or I should worry about this or that; which completely negates the facts that these people are beautiful just as they are, that they are doing the best that they can at the moment, and that worrying never changed the outcome of anything!
Of course there are always things that we could do better. And it’s always wise to keep improving upon ourselves. But let me ask you this: When you’re hearing the “shoulds” in your mind, whose voice is saying them? Is it the voice of a person who gave you bad advice and who may not have had your best interests at heart? Is it the voice of someone who was constantly condescending and demeaning toward you? Is it your own voice who has bought into the lies you have been told about yourself and your worth as a person?
Instead of getting caught up in the “shoulds” of life, I think it’s better if we turn off the voices in our minds and instead listen to the feeling in our core. When you start to tell yourself, “I should be doing such-and-such differently,” find a quiet place and see what your gut is telling you. If it’s telling you that it’s time to make a change then you’ll know it’s the right time and you’ll have success at whatever it is that you are trying to achieve. But if it feels wrong deep inside, then it IS wrong, and there is no “should” about it.
Simply put, “shoulds” mean that we are judging ourselves too harshly. While it’s good to have high expectations for oneself, we need to recognize what we are already doing that is beneficial and right and worthy of celebration.
Think about this for a moment: Would you treat your best friend as negatively as you treat yourself? What makes them more deserving of love and appreciation than you?
(hint: NOTHING!)
I’ve gathered my thoughts and I do have a philosophy to share, but first, a follow-up about the peach festival.
It turns out that every orchard ran out of peaches. Why? Well, we learned that there were over 20,000 attendees (more than triple the amount of the usual crowd), and due to the more-rainy-than-normal Spring, the overall peach crop was severely damaged. In fact, we found out that the orchard from which we bought our “seconds” – which are fantastic by the way – only harvested 15% of their usual crop. Yikes. We also learned that while the heavy rain causes the trees to blossom later in the season, the fruit is less plentiful but each peach is considerably larger. The tree uses all of the nutrients that it has stored up for a normal crop and sends it to the fewer peaches that are there.
Interesting, no? I’m sure this is more than you ever thought you’d know about peach farming (orcharding?).
Anyway, moving on to my Deep Thought for the Day, one day later:
Today’s topic is: The tyranny of the “shoulds.” I was thinking about how many times during the day we say to ourselves, "I should". It seems like when we say “I should,” it implies that what we’re already doing isn’t good enough or worthy enough. People say, I should lose weight, or I should be more organized, or I should worry about this or that; which completely negates the facts that these people are beautiful just as they are, that they are doing the best that they can at the moment, and that worrying never changed the outcome of anything!
Of course there are always things that we could do better. And it’s always wise to keep improving upon ourselves. But let me ask you this: When you’re hearing the “shoulds” in your mind, whose voice is saying them? Is it the voice of a person who gave you bad advice and who may not have had your best interests at heart? Is it the voice of someone who was constantly condescending and demeaning toward you? Is it your own voice who has bought into the lies you have been told about yourself and your worth as a person?
Instead of getting caught up in the “shoulds” of life, I think it’s better if we turn off the voices in our minds and instead listen to the feeling in our core. When you start to tell yourself, “I should be doing such-and-such differently,” find a quiet place and see what your gut is telling you. If it’s telling you that it’s time to make a change then you’ll know it’s the right time and you’ll have success at whatever it is that you are trying to achieve. But if it feels wrong deep inside, then it IS wrong, and there is no “should” about it.
Simply put, “shoulds” mean that we are judging ourselves too harshly. While it’s good to have high expectations for oneself, we need to recognize what we are already doing that is beneficial and right and worthy of celebration.
Think about this for a moment: Would you treat your best friend as negatively as you treat yourself? What makes them more deserving of love and appreciation than you?
(hint: NOTHING!)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Update continued...
August 23, 2009
To begin this latest update, a haiku to describe our life at the moment:
Still no furniture
Seventh sunny day so far
Can’t watch the Sox game!
Alas, our moving truck was supposed to arrive either yesterday 8/22, or today 8/23. We called on Friday (since we hadn’t gotten our 24-48 hour reminder call from the driver), to find out that it should be arriving instead on Monday 8/24 or Tuesday 8/25.
Grrrr….
It’s actually no big deal. The house feels incredibly roomy, and the kids have been having a great time running around the empty spaces and playing wall ball without having to worry about anything breaking. I’m guessing it’s actually going to feel quite crowded once the furniture arrives!
In other news, the kids are really enjoying their new schools, we’ve got my son signed up for flag football, my daughter signed up for horseback riding lessons, and we went to the Lafayette Peach Festival yesterday and had kind of a funny experience:
It was once of those fabulous outdoor events where there are booths lining both sides of the blocked off street with food, drinks, jewelry, crafts, and of course, peaches! Several orchards were selling their fuzzy wares along the way, but we decided to buy some on the way out so we didn’t have to lug around a 15+ lb. box of peaches the whole time.
So we’re listening to the music, we’re wandering around, we’re standing in an inordinately long line for peach cobbler, and pretty soon after we finished that we decided to leave. So we walk back down the “so crowded it looks like the rock concert just let out” street and go up to the first orchard stand to buy our peaches.
They’re out.
We’re like, “What do you mean you’re OUT? This is a peach festival, we want our peaches!!” (well, we didn’t really say that, but that’s what we were thinking)
So they said, “Well, all we have left are seconds.”
So I asked, “Seconds? What are seconds?”
So the woman holds up a peach that is huge and gorgeous, except for the small blackish bruise on one side. Then she holds up another one, of similar size and stature, and this one has a small hole right near the stem. Each one clearly had been perfection in its day, but somewhere along the line life threw them a curve ball and they ended up the “seconds” box. She said that they still taste good, they just aren’t perfect. (now there’s a metaphor for you…)
Hmmm…..so we examine a few more in the box that is sitting there, and I innocently ask, “Okay, so how much for the secondhand peaches?”
Everyone behind the counter starts laughing hysterically, as does the woman helping us, and then she responds, “Not secondhand peaches, just seconds.” Oh. Right. Oops.
And everyone starts laughing again. (not at my expense….right?)
So after we all calm down, we’re told that the peach seconds are half-price. And we’re like, “WOW – just like the bagels!! We’re clearly cornering the market on half-priced consumables this week!”
So that was fun, and we’ve also been enjoying exploring the downtown area, continuing to have dinner on the floor, and using my son’s Swiss Army knife to do a multitude of cooking tasks!
Tonight we’re hoping to go to a restaurant that will be showing the Sox-Yankees game. I guess we’ll have to eat very slowly and keep getting our water glasses refilled all night!
Deep Thought for the Day:
Well, I have a few….I’ll have to collect my thoughts and add this later….
To begin this latest update, a haiku to describe our life at the moment:
Still no furniture
Seventh sunny day so far
Can’t watch the Sox game!
Alas, our moving truck was supposed to arrive either yesterday 8/22, or today 8/23. We called on Friday (since we hadn’t gotten our 24-48 hour reminder call from the driver), to find out that it should be arriving instead on Monday 8/24 or Tuesday 8/25.
Grrrr….
It’s actually no big deal. The house feels incredibly roomy, and the kids have been having a great time running around the empty spaces and playing wall ball without having to worry about anything breaking. I’m guessing it’s actually going to feel quite crowded once the furniture arrives!
In other news, the kids are really enjoying their new schools, we’ve got my son signed up for flag football, my daughter signed up for horseback riding lessons, and we went to the Lafayette Peach Festival yesterday and had kind of a funny experience:
It was once of those fabulous outdoor events where there are booths lining both sides of the blocked off street with food, drinks, jewelry, crafts, and of course, peaches! Several orchards were selling their fuzzy wares along the way, but we decided to buy some on the way out so we didn’t have to lug around a 15+ lb. box of peaches the whole time.
So we’re listening to the music, we’re wandering around, we’re standing in an inordinately long line for peach cobbler, and pretty soon after we finished that we decided to leave. So we walk back down the “so crowded it looks like the rock concert just let out” street and go up to the first orchard stand to buy our peaches.
They’re out.
We’re like, “What do you mean you’re OUT? This is a peach festival, we want our peaches!!” (well, we didn’t really say that, but that’s what we were thinking)
So they said, “Well, all we have left are seconds.”
So I asked, “Seconds? What are seconds?”
So the woman holds up a peach that is huge and gorgeous, except for the small blackish bruise on one side. Then she holds up another one, of similar size and stature, and this one has a small hole right near the stem. Each one clearly had been perfection in its day, but somewhere along the line life threw them a curve ball and they ended up the “seconds” box. She said that they still taste good, they just aren’t perfect. (now there’s a metaphor for you…)
Hmmm…..so we examine a few more in the box that is sitting there, and I innocently ask, “Okay, so how much for the secondhand peaches?”
Everyone behind the counter starts laughing hysterically, as does the woman helping us, and then she responds, “Not secondhand peaches, just seconds.” Oh. Right. Oops.
And everyone starts laughing again. (not at my expense….right?)
So after we all calm down, we’re told that the peach seconds are half-price. And we’re like, “WOW – just like the bagels!! We’re clearly cornering the market on half-priced consumables this week!”
So that was fun, and we’ve also been enjoying exploring the downtown area, continuing to have dinner on the floor, and using my son’s Swiss Army knife to do a multitude of cooking tasks!
Tonight we’re hoping to go to a restaurant that will be showing the Sox-Yankees game. I guess we’ll have to eat very slowly and keep getting our water glasses refilled all night!
Deep Thought for the Day:
Well, I have a few….I’ll have to collect my thoughts and add this later….
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