Haters gonna hate

In the inimitable words of Taylor Swift, "'Cause the players gonna play play play play play and the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate, Baby I'm just gonna shake shake shake shake shake, shake it off, shake it off."

I gotta be honest, I'm having trouble shaking off all of the haters today because of how well our players play play played yesterday.

To clarify, we're New England Patriots fans.  We lived in Boston for 12 years, we fell in love with the city and its people, our kids were both born there, and for anyone who is familiar with the area, Bostonians have a civic pride that I've never seen anywhere else.  People from Boston are proud to be from Boston, and proud to share their city and its customs with anyone who wants to join in.

We were there when the Red Sox reversed the curse, conquered the Yankees and ultimately won the World Series in 2004.  I can tell you that the joy and excitement was palpable in the air and in the smiles and greetings from everywhere around us.  Strangers literally high-fived each other between their cars and we all felt like no matter else happened in our lives, we would always have THIS magical time to look back on and to share.  It was pure magic, and it happened when they won again in 2007, and again in 2013, although not to the same billowy extent.

We were also there when the Patriots started their magnificent winning streak.  We collectively bemoaned losing Drew Bledsoe and having to make do with the second string replacement named Tom Brady.  We blissfully shouted and cheered when he and Bill Belichick led the team to their first ever Superbowl win in 2000, after being the team for so many years that everyone (including me) chose as their sure winner for the office losers pool.  We have been steadfast fans ever since, and now that we live in Broncos country, we are able to share a quiet smile or nod when we see fellow citizens decked out in Patriots gear on game day.  Being a long-time Patriots fan has brought my family and me so much excitement and joy for the past 18 years, but now it feels like we're rooting for the bullies on the playground who won't let anyone else have the ball.

Haters gonna hate.

And to be honest, I can't quite figure it out.  I'm told that it's because they have been winning for so long now that it doesn't seem fair to the other teams. (I get that, but it's not like they are winning because they made some deal with a supernatural force. They are winning because they are phenomenally dedicated, they work incredibly hard, and no matter what has happened in the past, they keep looking forward to what's next. Isn't this what we teach our kids is the road map to success?)  People are also quick to condemn from the hearsay of cheating scandals (nothing has ever been proven by the way) and jump on any bandwagon that puts the players and/or coaches in a bad light.  Thankfully, being a fan I have never felt any discrimination due to the NFL team that I choose to cheer for during a 19 or so weeks in the middle of Winter.

Until now.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to throw a party. I was an events planner for years and one of my true joys in life is planning a get together. In past years I have joyfully hosted a Superbowl party, complete with tons of food, games, prizes, and specially rigged televisions for optimal viewing pleasure.  We cheer for the winners, we commiserate with the losers, all in the name of fun and sportsmanship, enjoying the special feeling that comes with sharing a communal activity.

Not this year.  This year my son has been told to his face that under no circumstances will certain of his friends enter his house on Superbowl Sunday because we're rooting for the Patriots.  He did say not to take in personally, he just hates the Patriots so much that he can't even be in a place that will be supporting them.  He has one friend who makes it his personal goal to badmouth the team in our presence to any and all who will listen.  And last year, after spending time and money and effort to host a party, one particular individual went out of his way to comment on every play that was made against the Patriots and made disparaging remarks all the way up until halftime when he blessedly left.  He was so rude, right to my face, under the guise of being funny, and the whole thing just left me feeling like, "Why do people have to be so mean? Especially when none of this stuff even matters in the scheme of things."

Sigh.

I know that people take their professional sports very seriously, more seriously than I do, but it seems like this year in particular, people are jumping onto the hater bandwagon with everything.  Friendships and even marriages have ended due to their voting choices, and everyone is so quick to point fingers and place blame on others, assuming the worst without hearing every side of the story.  It's so clear to me that there is some need for humans to feel superior to one another, and singling out one particular team or their fans to pick on is, to me, a slippery slope toward putting people in condemnation boxes, simply because of an affinity for something trivial, and nothing to do with who they are as people.  It feels more than a little scary these days, with jealousy and hate taking the place of compassion and love in people's hearts and minds in this country.

Why does this hurt me so much? Something came to mind this morning as I was nursing my still tender wounds about not being able to have a party this year (parties depend on attendees and no one will come to one this year).  I remembered a situation when I had felt the exact same way.

I was 10 years old (yes, we're drawing way back into the memory bank here).  I had auctioned for and happily made it into an elite singing group affectionately called "The TV Choir" because we had an opportunity to perform on a a show produced by a local tv station. We were led by a gorgeous, young, aspiring singer, who couldn't wait for her closeup herself.  We sang five or six songs total, and when there were solos, I got every one.  (I didn't audition for these solos by the way, the leader just gave them out as she saw fit.) I was obviously the best singer in the bunch and she wanted us to sound the best we possibly could for this unique shot at a few minutes of local fame.

Unfortunately, my joy at having this chance to showcase my talents was completely overshadowed by the hate I felt from my fellow choir members.  I overheard nasty comments and I definitely felt the daggers shot at me when we were situated into our final tv places, with me being moved closest to the floor microphone.  I was being punished in the most effective way that people know of, for something that wasn't even my fault in the least.  I didn't angle for the solos, I didn't bribe the leader or convince a friendly leprechaun to work some magic on by behalf, I got them because I was the best. But the sadness that being the best caused me made me want to prefer just singing in the back row, being accepted by the rest of the group rather than being proud of my own little star getting to shine.

Well not anymore.  I still can't have a party because the haters ain't gonna come.  But I can still wear my Tom Brady jersey with pride, knowing that no matter what anyone else says, statistically speaking he is the Greatest Quarterback Of All Time.  (This is not based on opinion - math and numbers don't lie.) I can also root for whatever team I want to root for, because it's just football, it's not actually life or death (despite what some people would have us believe.)  And most of all, like all things, at some point, probably soon, this ever-winning dynasty will end and some other team will take their place at the top of the podium.  Same for the current pop music star, same for the current political administration, and same for the current health food fad of the moment.  Everything ends, so why waste time hating on people for something that is not only temporary, but that doesn't really matter whatsoever in the first place.

If someone is intentionally hurting another human being, or discriminating against, or stealing from, or cheating against, or lying to, or deliberately manipulating, or bullying, or committing some other crime against humanity, then by all means their actions (not the people themselves) should be rebuked and attempts should be made for apologies, retribution, and an introduction to a new and different path.  But hating someone for the team they cheer for, or the country they live in, or the religion they choose to observe, or the beliefs and values they were taught as children? This kind of behavior is unconscionable, and it disgusts me that human beings will often take any minor differentiation from themselves to truly hate and vilify another human being.

Does anyone even remember who won the Superbowl 2 or 3 years ago? Or who won a Grammy award? Or who was president before we were born? Of course not.  So that's a LOT of wasted energy and effort on hating something that doesn't leave any kind of lasting impression whatsoever.

You know what does last though?  The encouraging comment made to a struggling student by a caring teacher - the comment that the student as an adult says changed his life and put him on the road to becoming the successful and happy man he is today.  The extra moment taken to hug the child before she heads out to the bus stop, so she can start the day feeling secure and knowing that no matter what happens in the day, she is safe and loved.  The high-five by the coach to the kid who had to be taken out of the basketball game because it just wasn't his day.  And the powerful words of friends and family members who take the time to pay attention when children and adults alike are being bullied and step in to confront or comfort when necessary.  All of these things have the ability to bring light and color and joy into the hearts of others, and allow those glimpses of humanity that we're all searching for in our daily lives.

So if you don't want to come to my party I can unequivocally say that you will be missing a great time. Come Superbowl Sunday, the few of us who are here will be full-on celebrating the fun and exuberance of an American tradition. We'll be shaking our patriotic pom poms, shouting and cheering at a television screen, all the while knowing that at the end of 3 1/2 hours or so, our lives will go on and nothing will have changed, except that we may be glowing from adrenaline and the thrill of sharing an exciting experience together.

So the players are indeed gonna play play play play play, and you haters are gonna go on hate hate hating. To you I say, go ahead if you must. Meanwhile I'm sure glad I'm not you because I'm going to go on cheering and smiling instead.  I wonder which one of us will end up with a happier life overall?